Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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You know the question I dislike......

Posted by rskontos on February 27, 2008, at 20:06:38

It is the question from people I think don't understand therapy or depression or MI or trauma or any of the things I think I have gone through or am going through which makes me thankful to be able to post,.. here is this question:

"Now what do you, rsk, have to be depressed about?"

For me it implies, that depression as well as "my condition" is a state that I have chosen. That at any time I can snap out of it and be fine. That is is "all in my head". I don't go off on the people that say this or make these insensitive remarks, I just know that they don't get it and I just leave the conversation where it is. I also know the conversation is going no where. At least my DH will say honestly now, is this something you need to discuss with your therapist, meaning I wish you would. He and I have discussed that sometimes as much as he would like to discuss it he just can't because he wants to solve the problem and my trauma problems can't be solved and the therapist is better equipped to help me. And at least that is honest. Whereas the what do you have to be depressed about it just hurts.

This happened right after I had a rough session, I left feeling better but was still rocky knowing I could not sustain my better feelings for long. Then I spoke to my BIL and puff the feelings went up in the air.

Right now I feel like in limbo. I am tettering in therapy limbo land. I have begun to rely on t more and that has brought out more switching and more dissociative states. Feelings of shared states and so much that just feels yuck. I try to share it with him and at the time words fail me. Now I can try to tell him but I am home and he is in Florida. I can tell Babble. words come more easily now. But I still haven't made the total trust committment yet. Yet I know I can talk to him more than I can my family including DH. He does understand DID the best. Yet it is so hard to explain all the states I find myself in these days. I awoke the other day, to realize one had been out for several days. but I did know it to a certain degree so it has changed a bit. I had thoughts and feelings I recognize as not mine. Those that I had to fight hard not to act upon. Actions that I would not ever do. And I can now feel the physical differences. How she feels different yet I am still present in part yet I am not. It makes little sense. To be here and not to be here. See what I mean about trying to tell him. and the other day yet another came to just cover the whole thing up. so really l am just not sure sometimes who the heck is the real me. And maybe like I told him, the T, maybe she(meaning me ) was killed off a long time ago, and all that is left are these parts, these fragments. He did not agree, but I still have a hard time not thinking this. the switches are made so quickly and the thoughts are so different. It is weird. To become aware of this altogether different person, it seems like an altogether different person, and feels so strange. I read a term, co-existence. I think. I may have it wrong now as I think about it. That is probably my intepretation of it now. Anyway, thanks for listening. And I am sorry if this sounds like rambling I am trying to assimilate my thoughts on this. It is a truly tough subject for me too, and in my head it is even worse.





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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:rskontos thread:815048