Posted by Poet on February 22, 2008, at 17:46:56
I got downsized today. As many of you know my self-esteem is based on career. It was nothing I did, the company has had some economic problems and are literally cutting the office space in half. No space for square peg Poet in round office. I am hurt and scared. It took me five months to get this job. I have a long painful track record of getting interviews, but not getting jobs. They gave me a months pay and helped me pack my stuff. A co-worker was crying, I don't cry in front of anyone, not even my T, so I didn't cry until I got in my car.
I said in my post about T leaving that the one thing that would cause a meltdown is if I lose my job. I am fighting off a meltdown. I am trying to hold on until I see her on Tuesday. I emailed her just in case she is back this weekend. I didn't say it was an emergency, but she'll immediately connect no job with crisis/suicidal ideation. I didn't want to call her on the phone and hear her message saying she's gone and call the fill in therapist in a crisis. A stranger would not understand what career is for me. I can wait for my T- I have to. I can email her again just to let some of the sadness out.