Posted by rskontos on February 19, 2008, at 7:31:58
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
I do find I do that. Maybe not imitate him so much as I have finally, and I mean FINALLY, yeah, learned to set boundaries for others not to cross. He has helped me do that. It feels so good to say hey don't do that. You are not treating me the way you need to. And I do it quietly, not yelling, like i would do. I do it sooner so all my parts inside don't get upset and feel the need to take over. I recently begun talks to my sister that I had not spoken to in over 12 or 14 years we can't remember when we spoke last, and it has been testy to say the least, she blames me, the oldest, for not protecting her from the same abuse I rec'd as a child, and only months ago I would have been as volatile as she is. I have been much more like my therapist. I have been quiet, supportive, listening yet I set my boundaries and when she overstepped them I set her back gently as i could. IT worked. Not at first. She hung up on me. But a day and half later she called back and apologized and we talked more. IT will take time but maybe we will get to a better place. And I know it is because in him modelling how to set those boundaries, me absorbing them, I have come to be calmer and not needed my protective parts to emerge and it feels so much better. All during her yelling etc. not once did I switch on her. My therapist almost cheered on that score. I guess I do see some progress. So yes, I am beginning to take the good of him and use it effectively. About time I say.
And twinleaf, YEAHHHHHH.. Congrats.