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Took A Risk And Got Burned :( Poss triggerslong

Posted by rskontos on February 16, 2008, at 1:48:47

Well, I took a risk and got burned. When the h*ll will I learn. I just don't know what the H*ll I was thinking. I guess I wasn't.

Here is what I did. The stupid thing I did. I called my sister, the one I haven't spoken to in about 12-14 years. Yes years. Since my youngest sister got married. She wasn't home, I spoke to my BIL. It went well the conversation. I thought this is good. I told him some family news while jarring and a bit unsettling he took it well and said that explains a lot. He said let me handle telling your sister. I think it will come better from me. When she calls you back though tread lightly. Should have been my first clue this might not go well.

Well, he called wanting my aunt's number to verify the information. I gave it too him. Thinking well she is her aunt too. And maybe it will be a good conversation. Wrong. My aunt called me about 20 minutes later saying WTF. We talked for quite a while with my sister trying to beep in on both of us. Finally we hung up.

I had three messages from my sister. I debated and decided I should call her back even knowing how badly the conversation went with my aunt it would go similarly with me and her.

The thing is I have done nothing to my sister except be my father's daughter's and still be in my father's life. She said all this time you have had him. I said yeah and he has told me I am not his daughter and he wished i have never been born. yeah that is a great support system and boy with a dad like him who needs friends. He is all I ever need. What I mean what is is she thinking. She went on and on about how HER mother, not our mother is dead, she moved on, she doesn't need her family anymore she had her MIL and FIL and they took the place of her family and loved her. She has a great job and great friends and all I ever did was try to boss her. and she is suspicious of people but loves them. And blah blah and blah and if I tried to say anything she told me to shut up and listen to her.

And she talked down to me, and went on about how Gaylord entertainmenet hired her to manage all these stories without a college degree and she is just as smart as me and on and on....

And I think I am so smart and she is just as smart. I said is this just a one sided conversation because if so I will just hang up. I don't need this. So then accused me of drama. And she played the well at least I am not in therapy or on drugs like you are card. That was way too low even for her. I mean, is it so bad that I am. Should I hide this. H*ll no, I am not ashamed and if she or anyone else in my family thinks low of me, then that is too bad for them. Right please someone tell me I am right because right now I am sinking low.....I thought while she was spilling her dribble she was the crazy one not me. I did learn that I have dissociated more than I realized. She did have alot more memories than I about the stuff of our parents abuse. ::(

I have unshed tears that really want to come out yet I am determined not to let them because she isn't worth it, is she?

rsk

 

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poster:rskontos thread:813053
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