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confidencial to this website, i need your help

Posted by your#1fan on February 1, 2008, at 1:26:29 [reposted on February 1, 2008, at 12:36:53 | original URL]

Hello everyone, its fan.

Fan has not really been himself lately, and there have been things that have been going on that have causing fluctionation, ok..........i've got to say this (rages), ego conflicts.

Now i have to know that must trust you, because i have not felt this feeling before, but ill tell you. I think i have many sides of myself, i am a very friendly person, but there are other sides of me choose not to talk about. I usally am either...
1)Happy, generous, and always have smile, and make people feel warm.
2)Nuerotic (nerves), lose my keys, lose my bag, i go into a panic rage trying to find things, and wear my self out. Today i lost my backpack, i went besurk.
3)The rejected side, i hate this side because im not charimitic, i feel so lonely, sad depressed, and feel very out of place.
****4)The last and the the one that is usally put undercarpet, and i hate to tell you this I do expereince at times almost intese hate, jeuosly, (i'll explain what triggered this) rages are taken place, and thoughts can go on, And this blackness eats me up inside. This only takes place maybe 1/16 of what i feel sometimes. This is not me! but i have to tell someone, online, therpist, i dont know, i cant tell my parents because its between us!

I'll tell you, im scared! im scared! i've been having dreams of this stuff...... and i cant take much more of it. Plaged with all these dreams that are very disturbing!

I cant really tell you what causes this, because thats like spillin the beans! but Misundertanding of my friends, they treat me like im just an aquinatance. Right now im feeling confused, angry.

But is there a medication that maybe could help with this (Xanax does not!) and maybe some advice on managing emotions.

And maybe how to rotate personality, or mood changes so i can get along better with my parents. By the way im 20, and i think i need to be on my own by now but i dont know if im mentally ready to go. Help me? please




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