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Re: DESCRIBING how a DD FEELS..... » rskontos

Posted by muffled on December 24, 2007, at 0:42:27

In reply to Re: DESCRIBING how a DD FEELS..... » muffled, posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 13:15:32

> The things for me that gets to me right now, are the frustrations of no memories, zip nada nothing. My sister can tell me a place I went with her and I don't remember it all. She could tell me I ran naked down the street singing christmas songs and I would have to take her word for it. That is so FRUSTRATING. ANd being told you have to parent yourself. I HATE THAT! And the voices. It would be nice to have an off switch.

*ya. I don't know stuff either, and what I DO know, I dunno whether its cuz its been told to me by family, or construed from photos....I dunno. I can remember, well, there is a part that remembers actual layout of house and garden, and random stuff. But no emots, or people stuff.
And it IS hard cuz I feel so defective when my sisters are reminsicscing and I just kinda sit there feeling slightly sick, cuz I then think, mebbe I remember bits, but not sure, and why can they sit there and remember and I can't? Its just a blank hole :-(

> And I came home to a notification from ebay I bought something. Do I remember buying this no. Is it something adult me would buy. No it something TEENAGER would buy. Luckily it wasn't expensive. Now do I tell ebay it wasn't me it was an alter of me and I had checked out. No so i hit paypal and paid for it but WTF and I going to do. Luckily my daughter likes it and can use it and I can pretend it is a xmas present but really this can get out of hand.

*OMG, that would be awful. I don't do dtuff like that that I know of. I hope you can get a handle on this asap.

> And then there is checking to make sure you have a body. and pretending not to have parts. To not talk in the we pronoun to those that don't know like your immediate family who is clueless.

*I mostly don't say we. There is one part that does alot, but not in the open usu. It has come out in T and said we. And I say it in writing no prob. But thats it. I myself have never said we in T I don't think.
The body stuff don't bother me much oddly enuf.
Can you just make like your 'tripping' on something and make it fun? Sounds crazy (LOL!) but it works for me.

> And when those emotions come out they are WAY OUT OF size and appropriate for the situation. LIke a normal conflict in life, someone cutting you off in the street, or not getting your order right at drivethrough, or when you argue with your kids. Then you way overreact. Because your emotions are stick whereever the kid, the teenager who have them is....agewise. Because adult me has none. And situations trigger you but it isn't you it is the others that have emotions. Does this make sense....

*My emotions are almost always muted. Cept anger.
In high school I TOTALLY lost my emotions. I went to a training course on finding and IDing emotions. It was useful.

> Heck I am rambling now. Sorry muffled I thought I could make sense.

*not a ramble! I love to read your stuff!

> You know though my new doc says I do or rather my parts envy my kids. And they do. And that is wrong. But true:(

* I dunno if any of me is helous of my kids, cuz they not got much use for me. One gets jelous over T sometimes. But don't diss yourself bout it. These inside kids ARE KIDS, and therefore think and ACT like KIDS. I have such a hard time with this concept...

> There I said it outloud......
> That is my shameful secret too....it isn't shameful for me the person, but shameful for me the mom.

*thanks for entrusting this to us ((rsk))
But it is not shamful at all.
Its regular normal kidstuff.
Cuz kids will be kids.
And as I say, they ARE kids....
Take care Rsk, and thanks.
M

> rsk

 

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