Posted by Wittgenstein on December 19, 2007, at 4:29:35
Since my session yesterday I've been feeling weird - sad, mourning feelings :(
I've been really busy the last days looking after my new puppy. I love her to bits but I was so preoccupied that I forgot my T had scheduled my session an hour earlier (he had some builders doing some work at his house). Anyway, I turned up at the normal time - completely forgot. As I got to his front door I realised. I asked him if I should go away - apologised - he was clearly quite busy. He told me to wait for him - let me sit in his room and said he'd be back in a bit. I felt really awkward though. I could hear him and his wife and the builders in the garden and hoped they wouldn't look in and see me sitting there :(
Anyway, after about 15 minutes he came back and we had a session anyway. I felt so distracted and actually a bit sick. It's my penultimate session before Christmas and it sucks to have mucked it up. He said some really nice things to me that made me feel very nice but I left feeling so sad and have done since. I'm beginning to realise that he does believe and understand me - it's a lovely feeling - something for the first time with anyone - but it's so much to take in and now we have the holidays - I feel really attached and needy toward him at the moment and the last thing I want is to have a break for a couple of weeks.
Some months ago, I read a couple of books about borderline parents and one book had a big impact on me - 'Understanding the Borderline Mother'. He wanted to read it to understand why it had such an effect (after reading it I was very low and nearly hospitalised). I finally let him borrow the book and he read it the last week. I was scared he would find me ridiculous or that he wouldn't see the significance of it or how much it related to my experiences but he understood exactly and has said so many validating things the last sessions. He's always said he believes me and knows what really happened - it has always been covered up - but now I have to take in what he says and it's too overwhelming.
Witti
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:801553
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/801553.html