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Re: Yet another T attraction thread--trigger

Posted by beautymarked on December 2, 2007, at 19:15:47

In reply to Yet another T attraction thread (after termination, posted by beautymarked on December 1, 2007, at 11:57:49

Hi all,

I really appreciate your responses. After posting, I actually avoided the boards because I was a bit embarrassed about what I wrote. I honestly don't want to believe I have these feelings. I'm not in love, and I don't expect anything from him at all. I don't expect to be hurt either since I'm too embarrassed to ask for more sessions with him, especially since our termination as so final with the I did this because of this and I like you as a person and take care forever type of deal (or am I just being too stubborn about this?). It is possible that I go and seek my 2nd T out in his private practice once I get insurance figured out for regular therapy...or is it better that I ask for the 3rd T because of the emotions stirred within me? I went in originally to continue therapy...mostly what I concentrate on is interpersonal interactions and relationships with them being not as close as I want them to be (or at least I think). The Ts all concentrated I think in making me in touch with the feelings of situations to make me see myself better and maybe then allow myself to feel like it is OK to be me. Actually, I feel selfish to ask for therapy when sometimes my problems that I bring in are relatively trivial. I think it's really that I just lack anyone I can talk about these things (I don't talk to my family and don't have any friends to regularly speak to). It's just much easier and more effective with a T. And all the Ts were really effective with me. Although with the 3rd I was frustrated because he really was not saying much in the middle, he changed in the last 2 sessions to be more proactive (which also confused me) and helped me feel like it was OK to feel and respond to things in the way I did.

By boundaries being unsure, I did not really mean he made boundary crossings or boundary violations, I meant I was unsure what to make of the therapy process with HIM, which could've just been because I was so self-conscious around him, but at the time, I thought it was because his approach was different than the other 2 T's in talking about himself and our relationship. I actually asked him what his style was, but he refused to tell me.

The below contains victimization, SI, etc. triggers
I wanted to bring this up...I made another post, but was surprised no one could relate to me. I wanted to bring it up in therapy too, but was afraid that he'd draw similarities between himself and James Spader. I watched Sex, Lies, and Videotape last night in which James Spader plays a character who is very controlled in his demeanor but really is just trying to sort out his problems and does this through love. It's very similar to Secretary and his character in that one. I see my T as these James Spader characters, and I realize that I'm projecting a lot of my attraction to my T, making him espouse these characteristics that the James Spader characters has. My concern here is that my deep appreciation for these movies (that I've found not many people have) and the James Spader character might lead me to believe I could only fall in love with this James Spader type character, and I'm not sure if that's even healthy or possible to look for. I'm not sure if it's healthy for me to like these movies because I'm so attracted--actually obsessed and idolizing and idealizing--to the type of person that James Spader plays in these movies....any thoughts?

Thanks all :)


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