Posted by muffled on September 6, 2007, at 22:01:50
In reply to Re: Thinking of you, posted by Dory on September 6, 2007, at 7:11:10
maybe. i am just so deeply depressed now.
so many hard choices in my life
so much to carry
you know that
people say i can't do it all
but what else can i do?
is there any other choice i don't know about?
you live or you die and this is what my life is*Well Dory, you got reasons for being depressed, and you are so right, we just soldier on somehow, day after day.
But some days are better. Sometimes things start to look up.
Things can change so drastically for the worse....or the better.
I'm not sure I can quite divine wassup w/you and T other than perhaps you are feeling betrayed by him?
That maybe you smacked into a boundary wall and its really a trigger for you and you hurting?
Do you think you can explain or show some of what you have written to him? There's been some very eloquent writings...
AS for whether a T give a crap bout us, thats an ongoing issue of discussion here on babble. We hash and re-hash that one. The 'neediness' etc.
I think you have hit a hard, rough patch here Dory, but maybe not insurmountable, and in fact, perhaps an excellent opportunity to understand more about yourself. Sometimes the hardest times w/our T's, once they get resolved, are the most trust building, eye opening times...
When we are drowning in the midst of our intensity of emotions, its hard to see cleary, or even think at all sometimes, and I think maybe thats where T's can help sort stuff out for us.
Do you think your meds are correct at this time? Do mebbe they need a tweak? Or is this depression more situational do you think?
I guess the only other thing I can think of to try and help you see potentials of what could be happening in part for you, is that you seem to desprately want very concrete validation from your T, and while T's can be unconditionally accepting, they DO have to be careful, for the clients sake, not to, I dunno, mebbe this is bad phrasing...but kinda 'lead them on' as it were.
And a LOUSY part of T, as many babblers will tell you, is when we realize that the T can't save us :-( BUT, though its dissapointing, they WILL teach us how to save ourselves, accept ourselves, love ourselves, and treat our own selves with dignity , compassion, and respect. We learn to sooth ourselves better when we are hurt. We learn to recognize triggers, and how to stop the 'trigger cascade', as I call it. There is SO much they can teach us, and oftentimes the lesson and realizations are SO hard, and hurt SO much, and we become SO freaked out, and want to run so bad....sigh...T IS COMPLICATED.
So I hope I haven't said anything untoward, I just was hoping for you to be able to maybe understand, thru your fog of depression, that stuff CAN be done, and things improve. Its just sometimes a really, really, hard road at times. AT TIMES. Not ALL the time.
Wish I could magically say the right thing....
Anyhow, I have to run, I'm crazy busy and want to read some babble B4 bed.
Take good care Dory.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:780682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/781270.html