Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I all over the map

Posted by muffled on August 31, 2007, at 23:35:35

Scuze me if I kinda ridiculous.
Ignore my rants.
If someones feisty, just leave em alone.
But here's a funny T story...
My T called me chicken (in the nicest way! LOL!), but anyways, this DOES trigger a response in my Nasty part, but pretty mild, and the ONLY reason this sets off Nasty is that calling a person chicken is a bad thing in my book, its like saying 'd'ya wanna!' A primitive response I suppose on my part, but nevertheless, it IS a part that I have.
So then she says it AGAIN...and I was going into the 'mode', and I kinda growled 'you REALLY asking for trouble aren't you?' and she kinda laughed, and she may have said it yet AGAIN, as she tried to explain that she was kidding, and I told her she better back off, I was serious...she was playing a dangerous game. I dunno how I come across, or if she even noticed it wasn't me, but she didn't show no fear, so that GREAT. My T is either really dumb and way too trusting, or mebbe she just got it comming and going? Anyhow, she good, she keeps her cool, no fear, thats good.
Its freaky to me, and sad. Cuz I thoink of myself as gentle, but I have this primitiveness in me. Eg, I was outside a mental health place waiting for a worshop on anxiety, and this person, who exuded anxiety passed by...and it evoked in me a response that I wanted to get her. Like kids will go after the weak one. I would never allow this response to go anywhere, but I TOTALLY understand what can trigger a potential trouble cuz its in me. So while T has tried to dissuade me from thinking I bad....well...guess I not ALL bad, but there is bad in me.
Sometimes I feel like an animal of the street again.
Basic survival instincts.
When i get scared....those instincts come back....and I'm back on the street in survival mode.(in my head)
I don't like how I act when I like this. I can't always stop it and its embarassing.
I want it to stop.
But damn, PHYSICALLY it feels good. My body feels less pain, its more alive, not so tired, safer, tougher, stronger....
Yes, I AM insane.
Forgive me.




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