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Re: bad, sad therapy session

Posted by honore on August 28, 2007, at 13:00:59

In reply to bad, sad therapy session, posted by widget on August 28, 2007, at 10:10:45

What happened with your T reminds me of interactions with my T, when I'm very focussed on something that we've discussed, that he can't do or give or be. If I can't move on to other things, he becomes frustrated and unwilling to engage in the topic. His view has been that beyond a certain point, what I'm saying isn't a discussion, or exploration of an issue, but a sort of refusal to accept a limitation or need of his, as a therapist doing therapy in a way that he finds ethically or even emotionally acceptable for himself.

He has said at times that I'm trying to make him feel guilty, or otherwise am avoiding exploring this need I have, or other things that would be productive. So saying over and over that I want or need something in a sort of hurt or angry way, is mostly to try to get him give me whatever it is, somehow, rather than acknowledging the limitation, and learning how to get things that I need despite limitations. I suppose if I took it further, his point could be that that's the way much of life is, despite how much at times it hurts or is uncomfortable, or feels like a loss, but there are still valuable things in those situations, which we could reach and make use of.

So I think it's mostly that he already knows and feels my need or wish, and can't fulfill it, and would like to be helpful, or have meaningful time with me. It just isn't meaningful to go over certain things, or it wipes out the possibility of other meaning.

So I guess he might think you do know how to ride the bike, but are refusing to do it, because somehow you feel as if that would be accepting something that you aren't ready to accept- but also aren't working on being able to accept it. At least, that's what my T felt and feels about those discussions.

His stiffness and coldness might be because he doesn't want to be overtly annoyed, or more hurtful, but he also doesn't feel that there's more to say, other than that he cares about you and thinks well of you, but that it's not part of the relationship to be involved romantically. I know there are times when I don't want to accept decisions my t makes about lots of things-- but over time I've realized that it doesn't go anywhere to dwell on it-- except to hurt and empty out my own mind, and the time together.

Maybe that doesn't help-- I know there are times when nothing does. But I guess I sort of think there's nothing to do but close the door on certain things as much as possible, in order to have whatever other plenitudes there are.





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