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Re: still stuck in 'transference' with therapist widget

Posted by RealMe on August 25, 2007, at 12:41:53

In reply to Re: still stuck in 'transference' with therapist, posted by widget on August 25, 2007, at 1:49:03

I wrote a long message to you and lost it. So I will try to rememver what I said. First of all you are doing a fantastic job talking to your therapist about your feelings, and your therapist sounds like he is doing an excellent job. The whole issue of trust is tied to intimacy, as if you can't have trust, you can't have intimacy.

I am in the same boat to a large extent. Though I sort of worked on the issue of trust with a therapist I had years ago and was okay with ending things (which I never thought possible), I never dealt with some issues that came up to bother me again a couple of years ago. I went to a therapist who eventually said find someone else amoungst other things he said to me. I tried to do as he wanted me to, and that was a big mistake.

My therapist now is like yours in the sense of maintaining very strict boundaries. He is quite aware of my trust issues with what I am dealing with now, csa issues. So, when he said we would ultimately have a very intimate relationship, that scared the hell out of me as I knew what he meant, that I would feel that I could reveal deep dark secret without feeling judged and that I could talk about my feelings for him without being judged. The latter becomes the harder part, and the former means trusting him not to dump me, not to judge me, not to break the boundaries, not to basically break the frame. Other people in my life have violated trust and boundaries, and so my therapist like yours has to make sure that those boundaries are strong and clear. Of course it is easy to misinterpret comments, and of course he will make some mistakes, but not on purpose. Therapists are human no matter how well they are trained.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that you are doing a fantastic job being able to talk to your therapist about your feelings and what you want. Everything is multi-layered with meaning, and so we have to figure out what all this means for ourselves and our life. I admire you for being able to do this with your therapist. I am not yet there with my therapist.

RealMe (Oz)


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