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Re: hate this transference stuff JoniS

Posted by RealMe on August 24, 2007, at 23:14:26

In reply to Re: hate this transference stuff RealMe, posted by JoniS on August 24, 2007, at 22:46:34

Here is the weird thing as we both seem to have therapists who will say they don't dislike us, but for whatever reason won't say they like us.

I told my therapist about a week ago that I thought it was a good thing that I could see it would not be good for me to want to have him think of me as special as then I would start to feel an expectation to live up to what I thought he wanted me to be, that it was best for me to just be able to be just me and let it all hang out and not worry if I was disappointing him. I truely believe this too as with my last therapist I think I was special to him, and so when I got upset with him, he got really angry with me. It is more complicated than that but nothing inappropirate.

Anyway, I think my therapist does like me if I can just hold on to the times when he really seems to enjoy some things about me and laughs and says like he has that he loves my faces and what they reveal about me. He said today too laughing that I could not just get away with "gee I don't remember that." He is right that my defenses really are down when I come so early in the morning.

I think my therapist would not have said anything like of course you could end up with someone like me. He likely thinks you deserve someone good and caring, but he also knows that in his own personal life he isn't "a therapist." It is a special relationship, and who knows if we would really want to be married to our therapists. What if he is so dedicated to his work, for example, that he is never home. That wouldn't be so good. My therapist said that before we were done, the relationship we had would be very intimate. Scared the sh*t out of me when he said that even though I knew he wasn't talking about anything sexual, that he meant in terms of my ability to trust him.

Yes; CBT and other more technique oriented approaches may work well for some people; I still prefer what I have with the psychoanalytic approach; it is hard work, but in the end it means a more satisfying life.

I can tell you that when I started to like myself better and feel good about myself years ago was when I started to take in "the good" of my therapist. I don't know how to describe this, but I started to trust that I was not a bad person. Of course now I am starting to question it again. No, not really. I still think I am a decent and caring person among other things. My fear now is that my therapist will think I am a bad person or disgusting person and my notion of myself as a good person with some still unresolved problems will be destroyed.

RealMe (Oz)




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