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Re: hate this transference stuff JoniS

Posted by DAisym on August 24, 2007, at 23:03:43

In reply to Re: hate this transference stuff RealMe, posted by JoniS on August 24, 2007, at 22:46:34

A few months ago I had one of those sessions where I said, "I want to be special to you." And I went on and on about how wrong it felt to want that.

His response was, "Who doesn't want to be special? There is nothing wrong with wanting that."

When I got home, I realized that my feelings were hurt because I didn't want him to tell me it was OK to want to be special, I wanted him to tell me I WAS special to him. So I gathered up my courage and called him and left a message saying that. His message was "I'm glad you figured out what you wanted or needed and clarified that to me. I was on the wrong track. And OF COURSE YOU ARE SPECIAL TO ME. That's like..dah." And he said some other stuff too and we talked about it in session after that. (so yes, I have it saved on voice mail. :)

My point is - sometimes you have to say what it is you wanted or needed to hear. You might have to answer the dreaded "why" question, but it isn't a bad thing to explain that we don't want to be guessing all the time how our therapists feel about us. And if he still doesn't answer, point that out too. "I noticed you still didn't say one way or another." I somehow doubt he is going to say, "nope, you aren't special to me." I guess it is a risk though, but one probably worth taking instead of pulling away to protect yourself from an unspoken feeling.

Just my two cents.




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