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Re: hate this transference stuff RealMe

Posted by JoniS on August 24, 2007, at 22:46:34

In reply to Re: hate this transference stuff DAisym, posted by RealMe on August 24, 2007, at 21:42:20

Real Me

Sounds like a very hurtful ending to an otherwise good session. I'm sorry you experienced that. For some reason, I could really relate to your post. Maybe it's because I'm so familiar with having strong feelings for someone who I am having a healthy relationship with, but they don't feel as much for me as I do for them. I know my T cares about me, but I think that I have held on to the fantasy that he could feel for me the way I feel for him. But lately, I think I'm having to let go of that fantasy. Partly because he doesn't say how he feels about me except one time I think his words were "I care deeply and profoundly for you" Which, I know is awesome, but sometimes I wonder if that is really what he said, or not. But still, it's an appropriate T statement, isn't it? Last week in t I was explaining some of my feelings and somehow I got to ... I had been wanting to know if I could ever have ended up with someone like him. I said I felt inferior. He said how are you inferior? I said I'm fat, depressed, ... I can't even remember what else I said but at the time I was able to name about 10 more awful things about me. Do you know what his response was? He said "I don't think you're depressed, I think you just hold too much in, and that brings on these feelings..."

Looking back I see that what I really wanted was for him to say something more complementary than that. I wanted to know that he "likes" me and even just - enjoys working with me. But I didn't get that. Just that has made me sort of pull away from him, not feeling as close as I did.

I know there are reasons for boundaries and I believe I have a great T. Most of the time I just trust that, but right now, I'm kind of hurting too.

I am just guessing that when you asked if he thought you were a terrible person, that you were sort of asking "do you like me?" and his response, "you're just a person" was not at all what you wanted to hear.

I'm sorry. I think I know your pain. Really don't know what to say. I think that my cure is to become more able to value myself from within than to get my value from others, namely, my T (at the moment) Only problem is how do I do that? I've been working on that for about 45 years.

I wish I could offer some comfort. Maybe if you can believe that you are a likeable person (and you are cause look at your Babble friends) then he does like you, you are a nice & good person, but his boundaries & his ethics keep him from disclosing that way.

You really are more than "just a person"

((((((Real Me)))))




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