Posted by antigua3 on July 11, 2007, at 2:18:45
In reply to Re: I hate being angry with my T :-( » antigua3, posted by OzLand on July 10, 2007, at 21:50:10
I like this conversation; you aren't coming on too strong at all. It puts my T in a whole new perspective for me, realizing she does all these things that can be viewed as interfering with the work we do.
First, let me say again that we have a long-standing relationship and maybe she has loosened up as we've gone along. I certainly have.
For one thing, I'm the first appt of the day, so she often isn't quite ready, so that makes for some chaos with the coffee, the dog (and cat!)who have to go in or out (sometimes they can't make up their mind if they want to join us, and I know that distracts my T, so she tries to settle the dog down in her corner.) These are the moments when we catch up on the week.
But if there is anything very powerful going on, my T ignores it all and focuses on me. I'm more distracted than she is sometimes by the door and will make her check so we can get on with it.
I know we've crossed some boundaries here, and I've learned to tolerate her foibles because it makes her more human to me. When she moved to a new house, I really hated that because I felt like too much of her life was on display for me. We spent many a session discussing the change and how it was affecting me. Now I just ignore it or notice the new or interesting things.
Her daughter is usually very respectdful of her mother's clients (she doesn't live here anymore), but sometimes there are quick details that have to be verified between them, especially when a trip is planned. It's not like she has a long conversation w/her, and if the phone call goes on, my T always tells her she will call her back. Once, when the daughter was a little girl, she interuppted the session because she had found something very special that she'd lost after her father died; I wouldn't have traded that moment for anything. My T stepped out of the office to talk to her, and the girl profusely apologized, but it was one of those life events that a young girl couldn't wait for because it meant so much to both her and her mother. And it lead to some good stuff between us.
I used to be jealous of her daughter, but I'm not anymore. My T is an excellent T, but she lives a life of chaos, and she readily admits it. Her work is where she focuses, and focus she does.
If I told her these things really bothered me, she would change them, I'm certain. And as I said, she always makes the time for me, and I am free to call her whenever I want/need to and she is there for me. She's the most reliable person in my life, really, except for lately when she hasn't called me back and we will talk about that tomorrow, how that makes me feel. Part of it is me being strong enough to say "I need to talk to you NOW," and if I do, she's always there.
She's certainly not perfect, but she is a great T, or at least the perfect one for me. I especially like the hugs and I love you's after every session. I go in feeling like my life is worthless and she knows me well enough to show me different ways to think so that it's very rare that we haven't connected another piece of my puzzle that together we've been working on for a long time, or she has left me thinking of things I never would have otherwise.
It's certainly not all Pollyanna--no relationship is, but she has allowed me to see her humaness and opened her heart to me so that I can work on the things I need to. In a nutshell, she's really the only person in this world that I truly trust.