Posted by muffled on June 28, 2007, at 18:19:59
In reply to Re: Sometimes I feel so guilty... » Wittgenstein, posted by Squiggles on June 28, 2007, at 17:53:06
> Well, sorry i butt in. It was a trigger
> and i am an impulsive person under some
> strain right now.
*s'ok. I expect what you did was hurtful, but not meaning to be. My T says she will hurt proly, but not intentionally, its just the human condition.
Sorry you are under some strain. Maybe babblers can help you with some stuff?
> As for therapy, everyone is free to do as
> he or she wishes. But deep questions, deep
> pains... these are matters that you yourself
> know the answers to, if you stop deceiving yourself, if you take the time to be honest
**Lordamighty, I TRIED. However, with some basic CBT type stuff, I went from being a dangerous, self harming, screaming at kids, substance abusing person, to the much calmer , safer, kinder, person I am today. W/O T i would likely be on the street, a burden to society, or perhaps far more likely dead.
> with yourself and accept your shortcoming or
> your anguish or your guilt. Then you will be
> your own man and can trust yourself.
**I STILL cannot trust myself. I try and try. But there is not trust in all areas. I am accepting now that Maybe this is as good as it gets for me. I am not displeased, I have done well.
I think that maybe T can do no more, and that I am just dependant on her for not good enuf reasons....
> To rely on a psychotherapist to unearth the
> "unconscious" or suppressed facts, reveal them
> to you and tell you , now you can go and play
> with the kids, you have my permission-- is not
> going to make you a man.
**You not been talking to MY T.!!!! She is VERY careful not to put words in my mouth. Which must have been hard cuz I don't talk much!!! There are MANY diff styles of therapy. MANY.
>And as i said the
> fee may just keep you dependent on this stroking of the ego. Any answer you get to your difficult life questions, will not come from you, they will come from the psychotherapist's mind, or bag of academic tools.
**My T is not magic, she's just a person, she has no magic answers to lifes questions. She has mostly taught me to COPE with my own stuff.Coping strategies. To not hurt myself etc. She is quite clear that *I* am the expert on me. She can only reflect back what I say and stuff.
For me, dependency IS an issue. If I am to justify the expense, I must be willing to work, therapy is work. And I have not been willing to do so. So I am stopping, but its hard to stop. Guess thats to me, a side effect that I am willing to live with, as the therapy has done me much good.
> Unless, you are biologically disabled mentally, the only way to find the truth is to look within yourself. You do have a self, and you do have the answers, though you may be afraid to face them.
**I AM afraid to face myself. I agree. I also say HOW can ANYone judge mental disablement? Other than as a level of functioning?
If I am not getting stuff done, if I am isolating, if I am self injuring, if I am bad to my kids, if I am doing dangerous behaviours, and I CAN'T make myself stop. I CAN'T cuz I can't stand the screaming in my head, then,
what does that make me?
Sigh. This isn't an easy discussion, its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO broad.
I wasn't going to reply.
But this is triggering to me too.
Whether I can justify the money spent on therapy.
Rather than my family.
But I say YES. It was justified. I just dunno if its justified anymore...