Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 10:51:55
In reply to Re: Door #2 update » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by MidnightBlue on June 1, 2007, at 11:21:26
Door Number Two for sure. He seems to be more sophisticated than Door Number One. Solid theory. Face that seems calm, not turbulent.
He's said a couple of things that make a lot of sense to me
Having gotten my history, in the first session, he said "you sound like you've got a serious case of PTSD" without my having said those words to him. No differential diagnosis, he just seemed to know.
I was bemoaning how I didn't know how to relax and be a happy housewife, that I was used to running on pure adrenalin, and I was worried that I was unable to turn off anxiety. He suggested that maybe it was time to start looking and doing research about open positions in my area. Things like post-docs or research jobs that I would be qualified for. I think I should take it easy, and he seemed to agree with that
He suggested that I become more active with my music (this was after a single session in which I barely touched upon my fiddling as an example of situations in which I got stagefright). Unfortunately, orchestra season is only during the school year, however, I *could* practice my scales and audition pieces so that I would feel more confident. I told him that when I play violin my mind feels clear, because the music was so compelling.
I often feel like my social graces are some kind of act that I learned by living amongst difficult adults, trying to please everyone to stay out of trouble. He flipped it around and said that my social manners and friendly impression were at least as much a part of me as anything else. I was left thinking- maybe this guy has picked up on one of my strengths (which my former T did too). I always resist this one though. I don't suffer from social anxiety, but I always base my initial social contact with someone on some sort of learned code, or set of rules. At least the T-client relationship has a set of rules from the get-go. I've found that certain rules (again) will keep me out of trouble, and this may be one of the reasons why I seem nice and friendly and well-liked, yet have a difficult time forming and maintaining real friendships.
I blurted out "after a year of therapy, I still don't know what therapy is all about. I just go blah blah blah, and sometimes I feel better". He said "that's how it works- all you need to do is go blah blah blah, and we'll figure it out together". Sounds low-pressure, which I need right now.
I mentioned how I was initially in therapy because I was having concentration issues, and because I had diagnosed myself with major depression. Then I started getting all of this icky stuff related to memories of my turbulent past. He said that therapy often exacerbates symptoms, particularly for PTSD. Somehow he said it in a way that led me to having hope. Particularly because I feel that the PTSD symptoms proper have been better lately. I've just been having a lot of problems with anxiety and keeping the depression from settling in and making itself at home.
I felt more light and optimistic after the session (which I had been silently dreading) and intellectually stimulated, which is important to me- keep the noggin working, you know?
I'll keep you posted, whether you like it or not.
Thanks for reading my thread, I really appreciate it-
with care,
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:758419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/763905.html