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re: decision

Posted by wishingstar on June 11, 2007, at 20:53:07

In reply to Re: my T - therapist or mentor? **some triggers**, posted by frida on June 10, 2007, at 22:29:12

Wow... thanks every one of you for the great responses. I never expected so many! I'll just respond in one mass post.

Reading all your responses has really helped me to clairfy my feelings in my mind and come to a decision. I need to keep Laurie as a therapist. While I'm sure she'd be an excellent mentor/supervisor, and it'd be a career shaping experience for me, my own stability and health has to come first. As many of you said, without that, I wont have a career.

Dinah, I also really liked your point about taking care of my "safe space" with her. Her priorities would shift to include my clients, and she would likely not be as sensitive or cautious with me as she is now. I dont take criticism well in general, but it'd be VERY hard to hear from her.. and maybe could even undo a little of the therapy work we've done.. make me wonder about whether she really felt xyz, etc. It's absolutely not worth that risk. I hadnt thought of that issue so thanks for bringing it up.

Unfortunately I dont think shell be able to give me a referral for a mentor because we live 2 hours apart.. but I could easily find one on my own down here, if I choose to. That wont be a problem.

I have an appt to see Laurie tomorrow to talk about all this stuff and where the boundaries lie. I've decided that if it's an either/or choice (therapy OR mentor), I'll choose therapy. I'm wondering if we can work out a middle ground. I think that's what she wants to discuss.. where exactly the line is and which side I want to fall on. I'm hoping I can squeeze a little professional advice/discussion out of her without changing our relationship. But I'm feeling really scared about the appt.. very sensitive already to this boundary discussion and any "no, I cant do that"s that are to come. It forces the reality thast she is indeed just a therapist, and that's where our relationship ends. We've settled into a very nice (imo) pattern of what is and isnt okay, since I dont see her often in person, and it isnt discussed. We both just know. But discussing is hard. I'm afraid I'll feel rejected. Going to try my best to keep that in check and maybe even tell her at the beginning of the session that I'd like to save the last 5 min just to check in about that so I dont leave feeling rejected. I just dont know. I'm scared.

gg, what you said about your T saying it would be a "loss both ways" for him is wonderful. My guess is that Laurie would feel the same way. Shes told me before that she has had trouble letting go when I've moved away (and then come back later on) and I know she cares about me. I think she probably wants to be involved and is struggling with defining boundaries too. I dont really have to ask... I just know. It's a good feeling.

Overall, there's just no debate. It's not worth losing her just to become better at my career, when my career is constantly in jeopardy by my crazy moods and issues. I knew that from the very beginning but I guess I was hoping I could justify having her as a mentor becuase I think it would be so wonderful.. but you all have convinced me. Thanks everyone. :)


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/762486.html