Posted by twinleaf on June 1, 2007, at 23:44:07
In reply to Re: twinleaf » twinleaf, posted by muffled on June 1, 2007, at 22:50:06
I'm so glad things are going better!
The old T is 60 years old, and, expecially because he thinks the rupture between us is my fault, I doubt that he would consider getting any help for himself. The new T (younger) and I have worked out a tentative scenario about what happened. As you know, I was going five days a week, and mostly lying on the couch- I sometimes didn't want to, but he said it was important to allow for regression back to the original traumas. I gradually regressed back so that I was much more aware of my worst trauma- that I had been a baby without a mother (she went away on a long cruise with her own mother, and I never bonded with her)). It hurt a LOT, but I was somehow proud that I could do it. But- and I guess this shows just how powerful unconsious pressures can be- he suddenly turned into HER! Having been patient, empathic, just terrific, really, he suddenly became cold, rejecting and accusatory. He was hurtful and insulting- and just threw me right out. I'm never going to really comprehend how, as a highly trained analyst, he couldn't have understood better what was happening, and corrected it in himself. This has really compounded the original trauma a lot. But the new T is very smart, warm and helpful- I'm much better than I was a few months ago. I don't have the connection I once had to the old one- yet- but I hope that I will in time.
Sometimes I miss the "good" old T whom I loved and trusted for four years so much. When I miss him the most, I do google him- he's all over the place- lots of articles, mentions, etc. It's not a good idea, really, as I need, more than anything, to let go of him. Well, bit by bit! Not that I have ever sued anyone for anything, but you can't sue someone for behaving like your mother! At least I don't think so.
poster:twinleaf
thread:760134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760845.html