Posted by Wittgenstein on May 10, 2007, at 14:55:23
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » Wittgenstein, posted by gazo on May 10, 2007, at 8:21:23
Where to start?!
I first went to the public mental health service - it's like an all-in-one service for those with 'mental health problems'. I had to wait 2 more weeks to see a T. I'd been pinning everything on this appointment and it went terribly.
I'd asked for a male T and instead got a female - who spoke little better English than I speak Dutch. I went to the appointment with my partner's mother (who doesn't speak English) - when the T came to get me from the waiting room, instead of talking to me, she just spoke in Dutch to my partner's mother and tried to persuade her to come to the consult with me - maybe she figured she could translate!! Errmm no thanks! Once in the room, we tried to communicate in a bit of Dutch and English - it didn't work at all. I felt I was in an interrogation room, the way she dealt so coldly with anything I said. Makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
She said outright 'you were abused', which upset me, and if this wasn't all bad enough she told me that my dad is probably autistic and my mum probably has BPD. I'm not a big fan of diagnoses especially if there's no value in them (ok for insurance purposes it can be useful - but diagnosing your parents?!).
The appointment ended with her telling me I could have EMDR and be seen once in two weeks or could wait until June and have a male T instead but that he did CBT.
The appointment was on Friday - that weekend was hell - I felt so low. My partner ended up phoning the crisis service and got me more lorazepam, which I survived off for the next days.
The next week, I decided to start searching for a private therapist. I phoned several organisations and got a list of reputable therapists. I phoned one at random (who wasn't too far away) and he told me to see him that week and it's gone on from there. I feel very lucky - I was so desperate at that point. It's not easy now but I feel there's hope.
I'm having psychodynamic/analytic T, which I think suits me. The T has a practice in his house. He has already said I can phone if ever I have a crisis and uses e-mail (which is good as I'm not big on phoning). He's asked me to write about my past, which I've tried to do - not easy - and he's read what I've sent him - to be honest I felt guilty with the idea of him reading my stuff in his free time. I was a bit intimidated by him the first time I met him and I think it will be a long process in terms of trust and feeling safe but I'm glad I'm finally getting help.
So far, although have only seen him a few times, we've just sat and talked. He has a couch in his room - but we haven't talked about it yet. He's suggested we try free association - kind of nervous at this idea. I'm seeing him tomorrow - we've agreed that my partner will come for part of this session as a one off.
Well, I guess that's about it for now - watch this space.
Take care,
love,
Libby
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:757047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757512.html