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Thought of T being better than us???

Posted by LadyBug on April 26, 2007, at 14:38:02

Do any of you consider your T a better person than you?
I always think my T has a much better life than I do, in fact, there's no doubt there. Sometimes it brings me to feel a lot of pain, as I sit there and look at her all put together, very nice clothes on, hair always looks great etc. I know she has no money problems, her marriage is wonderful, she's told me that.

I know no on has a trial free life, there's no such thing. But I get tired of going in each session to talk about all the crap we've I've had to go through that week and how horribly hard my life is.

It always hurts my self esteem when I compare myself to her. How can I build esteem with her when I always feel this way in front of her. I can't seem to convince myself otherwise, she has it made!!!! There's no doubt, and I'm a dirt bag compared to her!!!

I know I have to do some positive affirmation on myself, but I can't seem to get there. This may seem crazy, but being married to an addict has totally destroyed my self esteem. He's been so distructive to my family in so many ways. Not to mention all the hurtful things he's done to me. You name it, he's done it. (Working on a divorce but it's complicated!!!!) I want to move out the first part of June, that's my goal.

I know my self esteem is something we have always tried to work on in therapy. For some reason, I get stuck in her office. Thinking I'll never be good enough and she's so much better than I am. She'd never marry a butthead like I did. She's too smart.
I told her I had an agenda today when I come to see her and this is what I want to talk about. We touched on it last week. I feel it's critical to my healing. Will I feel better when I do leave my husband??? I do hope so, I've felt so week within for staying is such a poor marriage. I beat myself up all the time over it. I know all about 12 step porgrams, I get it!

My question to any of you is this? Do you feel less than your T? Why and how do you deal with it? Do you idealize your T? Do you put your T on a pedistal? I do all of this and it's not good for me and I don't know how to change my thoughts.
Any comments would be great. I see her in a few hours and this is what I want to discuss.

Thanks babble friends.........
LadyBug

 

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poster:LadyBug thread:753687
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