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To clarify, might be **sex trigger**

Posted by toetapper on April 24, 2007, at 20:20:23

In reply to Question re:sex and honesty, posted by muffled on April 23, 2007, at 13:59:55

I realize I made a few huge assumptions myself :(

I’ve been lurking for about a year and “see” certain things in certain people that seem to parallel where I am (I assume) in my own process. What I saw (assumed) in Muffled’s post is the same confusion, but more importantly reluctance, I started experiencing about five years ago around sex in my own marriage. I’ve noticed it is a subject Muffled has broached and (I assume) had uncertainty about before, along with (I assume) the uncertainty and discomfort around rage. When I see a statement that says “Cuz it makes me feel really bad.” I think to myself (I assume), yup, been there done that.

I had the most confusion around trying to understand why my years of promiscuity felt so much “better” than monogamy in a long-standing marriage, Muffled’s question presented to me (I assumed) as an iteration of that same question, why does it feel bad when it is supposed to feel good? My husband and I always had a very active sexual life, it was our common ground and what kept us glued together (we’ve been married 20 years), it was a very slow, very gradual, very sad decline. I’m really good at f%ck me sex and really bad at I love you sex, the first 15 years of our marriage it wasn’t an issue. Only when I started feeling icky about sex and I tried so hard for so long to be there for him, trying all of the things the other posters suggested and then some. It really is more the years of feeling like I HAD TO, doing something that felt increasingly “bad” that was my undoing. Which is MY thing, not Muffled's, I apologize for that.

I just wanted to be the voice that said you know what, if it feels bad there is a reason and it’s okay to take some space to figure out why. Sorry for all the toes I stepped on, and all the assumptions. Can I plead newbie?

Gazo, Racer, no apologies needed, we’re all swimming in this sea together :)

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:toetapper thread:752745
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/753119.html