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Re: Difficult T this week (long) » jammerlich

Posted by Daisym on April 9, 2007, at 1:47:58

In reply to Re: Difficult T this week (long), posted by jammerlich on April 7, 2007, at 9:29:03

Ok, I do have a little problem with that; but, generally, it's not a big deal. But, she didn't stop with that. She went on to say that when she saw me before (meaning before she terminated me for not taking AD's), she'd call and she didn't "want to get into all that again." THAT is what really upset me because it felt like she was saying *I* had done something wrong back then. And you know what? I never ASKED her to do that. That was something SHE started. And since it was her thing, I'm not sure why she felt the need to even mention it Thursday.....unless she thought *I* was somehow to blame.

****I think you need to tell her that you didn't quite get what she meant when she said this. Get into what? I'd want to know if she resented calling me, and if so, why? I also don't think it is fair nor helpful for her to be throwing the past at you.

The other thing it makes me think about is how things are not at all the same this time... the impersonal part, for lack of a better word, and whether any of that is coming from her. I guess I think it could be evidence that she is, indeed, holding back or being "different." Other little things that didn't used to happen....she's nearly always 10+ minutes late bringing me into her office, sessions are often less than 50 minutes, she's taken calls during my session. Those things were rare before and she NEVER took a call the first time around.

*****I know other people have said it, but these are indicators that she should be aware of - counter-transference perhaps, but rudeness if nothing else. There is no excuse for anything short of an emergency interrupting your sessions. I don't understand how you can't get to her to leave a message about canceling your session but other folks get through during your session? As far as being late, again, I'd ask her about this. If not directly, I might say, "I've noticed that you are often about 10 minutes late for my sessions. Maybe we should move my starting time so you don't feel so rushed and I don't think you are avoiding me." I think she'll get the message.

I know I'm probably overly sensitive because I have been terrified since Day One that she'd terminate me again if I made a misstep. So, I've held back myself; but, I've also been looking closely to see if she's the same. And she's not. Not at all. I didn't always want to go the first time around; but, at least when I was there, I didn't feel quite so alone. Now, I feel pretty much on my own, even in her office. Well, that's how I feel all the time and I can do that for free.

****Tell her. Tell her. Tell her. What have you got to lose if you feel this way? How much therapy is actually getting done when you feel so alone? This is not OK, and I'm sure she wouldn't want this. Maybe you can't undo the first termination. But certainly it needs to be talked about.

Most of this I didn't say on the phone. All that was said is what I wrote in my first post. As for my telling her I'd prefer to know if she didn't like working with me, she said that was not the case at all. That she had full choice when I called asking to come back; and, that she was glad I was checking it out with her. I guess I still wonder whether she regrets that decision at all. That's probably another question to ask; but, I'm not sure I have that much more courage. And I'm sure a "normal" person would have been assuaged with "that's not the case at all."

****I think you should keep talking about this. I would ask if she has regrets it. I'd ask it a bunch of times.

And as far as my thoughts about leaving a reason for cancelling with the secretary or answering service (the only options there are), I'm not sure whether to say anything about that, either. If that's where I'm leaving the message, I'm always going to say something reassuring, even if it's not true. It's not like I'm going to tell someone with whom I have no relationship that things are really bad or that I'm feeling suicidal or whatever. I can't promise I'd be completely honest if I were telling my T; but, it's definitely more likely.

**** I completely understand this and so should she. No way would I leave messages with someone else for my therapist. What happened to privacy in therapy? Maybe you can agree to a few sentences that clue her in if you are feeling really bad. I bet you aren't the only client who feels this way.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I would be taking it all personally too, how could you not? Have you considered seeing someone else, even for a consultation? It is important to push yourself to be honest about all this, I think. Otherwise, how will it ever get better?

 

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poster:Daisym thread:747333
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