Posted by Daisym on April 6, 2007, at 0:15:53
In reply to feedback on letter to T?, posted by gazo on April 5, 2007, at 20:19:50
I've been following your letter saga and it strikes me that you are trying to head him off at the pass - kind of set up the tone and rules of therapy via letter. But the little bit you posted of what you wrote in the letter suggests that you really need to have a conversation with him that mostly includes the "don't hurt me because my last therapist really did by leaving" piece.
I don't think you can dictate how this new therapist does therapy, or approaches you. I think you saying, "these are the things I'm worried about" is a really healthy approach. That way you can both decide how to work together and if it will work. But this is a process and it can't be rushed. And the trust will come from the interactions - the more you lay your fear bare, and he helps you with it, the more you will trust him.
I imagine that if you give him the letter at your next session, and tell him how hard it was for you to drop off, he will learn so much by this exchange. Just in reading your posts I can see that you really want to follow the rules and are afraid he will view you negatively, and perhaps refuse to work with you, if you break a rule or push a boundary. The problem with boundaries is that we don't really know where they are until we bump into them, and how we react, and how the therapist reacts, tells us a lot. I can see how much you are hurting and how scared you are that instead of helping, this new therapist will add to the hurt. I hear a little girl part of you asking him to let you need him, if only for a little while.
I write to my therapist all the time. But I share my writings in session most of the time. He says he learns a lot from the readings, not just from what I wrote but in my own emphasis on the words. I'm not saying you have to read this letter, but it is something to consider.
Mostly I'm struck by how badly you want this to work. I really hope he is the therapist you need and you are able to let him help you. Especially after all this angst!