Posted by Orchid on April 3, 2007, at 18:42:09
In reply to I called my T to check on him, posted by Happyflower on April 3, 2007, at 18:23:32
I think it is allright. He probably would be somewhat happy that you cared enough and called, and maybe will let it go at that.
I gather you are still in huge dilemma about your relationship with your T. I have always noticed a certain ups and downs in your posts many time before. One day you are very high and positive and all happy and able to take the world by its horns, and the next day you go down very badly and start doubting everything and feel bad etc.
I think the reason is perhaps you become very passionate when you feel good and feel that everything will be allright and that you can accomplish everything. And when reality suggests otherwise the next day, you fall down very badly. I think if you maintain a kind of distant and neutral attitude about things in life, you will remain more serene and peaceful and moderately happy all the time, instead of this wild swings. Like, instead of thinking the world is all rosy one day and all bad the next day, if you think something like, "Ok, life will be full of issues and problems, and I will do my best to keep myself decently happy and functioning well. I will fall down inevitably every now and then but I will do my best to pick myself up" - that might help in maintaining a serene attitude.
And I suspect your relationship with your T (somehwat ambiguous) is causing you huge stress and causing you to go up and down in this emotional swing as well - you feel very happy when you think he cares about you, and feel very dejected when you think he doesn't. Gradually detaching your emotions from his reactions to you would help with that.
I don't visit here often so sorry if I missed anything obvious.