Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 9:05:04
In reply to Re: we all hurt. some manage. some don't. » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by zenhussy on February 8, 2007, at 22:39:07
> >>> I guess part of it is learning to forgive ourselves for hurting ourselves. Learning to forgive others for their role in our hurt.
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> And learning to live with hurt is one strategy that will work until the forgiveness stuff settles in (or we move on)<<<
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> slurpee noodle what wisdom on forgiveness do you have to share?understanding
saying to oneself "it's okay NOT to understand"
Trying to think of the good things a person did, even when thinking of the bad things.
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> and is forgiveness a requirement to heal from the ultimate wound of losing a loved one to their own hand?I don't know.
I think that ultimately it comes down to knowing as much as possible about the loved one. That way they still seem human, even after committing such an inhumane act against themselves. I know that it affects people personally, but the typical suicide is not an act AGAINST someone, but rather an act AGAINST suffering.Of course sometimes relationships are a cause of suffering. That's where it gets hairy- suicide as an escape from a relationship rather than an act of violence against the other party/s in a relationship.
I don't know how it's possible to move on. The best I think we all can do is to try and live our lives a little better, with memory of the person, and not just of the act itself.
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> the therapy remarks were more to keep this thread to psychology than seeing it moved elsewhere.....it certainly isn't a one-size-fits-all cure. and sure therapists can create far more harm in some situations. but that doesn't negate the potential to save lives through therapy when a patient is suicidal.
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Okay, thanks for clearing that up. I totally agree with you. My own particular escape came from combination of life changes, medication, therapy, and support from peers and friends (and some dumb luck too, I think). Therapy has the potential to save lives. Even if it hurts to talk about the pain.> the dental analogy works..."I guess it's like going to the dentist. It hurts, but it's good for you in the end..."
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> here's to helping fellow humans, but first helping ourselves as we're useless when we're depleted from compassion fatigue.....which is not that uncommon for csa survivors...or survivors of any childhood abuse for that matter.I understand. Helping is good, but we can help best when we're in a position of strength. Sometimes we have to get a little stronger in order to do better things in our lives. Ultimately, though I think it is a miracle of humans as a social animal that we derive good feelings from helping others.
Compassion fatigue- well, I think there's an interesting concept there. Part of it comes from helping others who take FROM you, rather than give back to you. Another part of it comes from helping folks whose particular circumstances trigger some kind of reaction in ME, in which I feel re-traumatized or powerless. That's very dangerous, indeed.
For instance, I consider my behavior on psycho-babble as walking on a high beam. Sometimes I feel very secure in my footing, and I can post really supportive and maybe helpful things (I HOPE!) and other times I worry that what I'm writing is complete drivel and that it is generic at best and harmful at worst. Other times I am out of my own mind and I am demanding support, as sweetly as possible. Sometimes it's draining though, to support a poster who may be making me feel worse about myself. Then I take a little break, because psycho-babble affords us the luxury of taking breaks. Real life doesn't always afford us those luxuries.
are you having any particular problems forgiving? Is this something you struggle with? I forgive very easily, and perhaps too easily, without the deeper grace that comes from understanding and THEN forgiving. Oh well. I have a hard time getting angry at people, or expressing it constructively. I definitely could use some help with THAT!
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:730369
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731334.html