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Re: End of my rope » Declan

Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 19, 2007, at 20:25:14

In reply to Re: End of my rope » jammerlich, posted by Declan on January 19, 2007, at 18:55:35

Jammer,
I wish you weren't hurting so bad. Right now, focus on you. Don't worry about how other people are going to react to you (easier said than done, right?).

If people disappoint you, tell them. You are a very very kind person. I'm sure you won't offend them. Stand up for yourself and say, "Actually it's NOT okay to stop by 3 hours late. I was expecting you hours ago, and I don't feel well. I was hoping that you would be more considerate of my feelings."

There are a lot of scripts like this for dealing with "difficult" people. You need to work on your scripts. Even if it comes out in a tremulous voice. Even if it hurts to say it-- it needs to be said. You WILL feel better if people treat you better, but you need to be honest and straightforward about what you expect from them.

I deal with this issue from my parents (mom). I expect her to do something as promised. When she's late, or reneges, I feel really upset, but I blow it off, with a mild annoyance. Deep inside, though, that anger festers. And sometimes the festering anger and rage can turn on you and become depression.

It's a dangerous cycle, but you are halfway there to breaking it. You recognize the problem. You feel justified in receiving more attention and consideration than you are receiving. Now the next step is communication. consistent communication of your expectations. You may be surprised at the results. I've been pleasantly surprised that my advisor started respecting her appt. times with me instead of blowing me off to buy flowers for her garden, or double scheduling me with someone more "important". You deserve better, and if you don't tell them, then they will try to ignore the fact that you DESERVE better.

anyways, take care of your cranium, my dear. It has a lot of good things inside it, and with some TLC, you will start to feel more "normal"

your friend,
Ll


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