Posted by Daisym on January 10, 2007, at 19:53:43
In reply to Re: Being Angry, posted by gardenergirl on January 10, 2007, at 10:28:28
Today's session was pretty brutal because he kept us focused on this single issue. After lots of "stuff" I finally said: "Of course I'm holding you at arms length. I keep waiting for you to tell me, "you don't really need me, you already know how to take care of yourself." OR "I can't take how much you need me so you need to find someone else to help you. If they can. Which I doubt."
He was quiet a minute or two and then said, "sounds like your mom (the first one) or your dad who abandoned you." How do you really think *I* would respond?
How sad is it that all these abandonment issues are still here? And then we talked about how hard am I working to be the perfect therapy patient. He said, "no wonder you are angry and don't want to come. How hard is it to be perfect all the time?" And of course my response was, "you don't think I am?" Geez, this stuff is so hard.
He ended up understanding that it is really hard for me to hold him in my mind and that I want him to hold me in his. He said, "you are searching and searching for me, and can't find me inside yourself. No wonder you are mad at me. You think I'm hiding on purpose. I'm not."
So it is everything you all mentioned. Problem is, we never quite worked out how to get out of this fear. Talking about it, taking a risk to say whatever I want and not worry about his reaction to it (yeah, right) - he says those things will help the fear receed.
This is so painful. I need camp comfort in a big way.
poster:Daisym
thread:720957
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721187.html