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Re: my T is so nice » littleone

Posted by sunnydays on December 17, 2006, at 18:36:02

In reply to Re: my T is so nice » sunnydays, posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 14:32:36

**** Wow!!! Thank you so much littleone! I think I may have to try some of these myself. You have so many great ideas.

> - My T gave me his hanky which I carry around absolutely everywhere. It's good because you can carry it in your pocket or hold it up to your face and you don't look too strange.

**** Yeah, I have a little stone he gave me that is really small so I can carry it in my pocket if I need to. I don't want to bring it home because I'm afraid it would get lost, but it does help me to hold it sometimes.

> - I have my comfort book. Some times I find it comforting to leaf through it. Other times it's comforting to actually put pictures/stickers/leaves/feathers/quotes/writing in it. Putting different types of things in it helps different parts. And looking through it helps to settle me a lot when I have a meltdown.

*** Do you mind if I start a comfort book? That sounds like something that would be really good to have for me.

> - On my T's holidays I actually go in to his office and just sit in the waiting room for an hour or two. It's kind of sad that he's not there, but I feel more connected to him and his waiting room is (usually) a safe place for me.

**** Yeah, unfortunately I'll be in another state, otherwise I would consider that. Although I might be too embarrassed if the secretary thought I was weird.

> - I bought a couple of picture books for a young part and one of them also came with the reading on a tape (by the wonderful Hugh Laurie). I had to be very careful with picking books out. I couldn't have any that referred to mums or dads or where the characters have close friends. They all upset me too much. I ended up getting "Giraffes Can't Dance" which has been very safe for me.

**** Maybe I can go to a book store and read some children's books.

> - I have a special real life safe place that I go to if I need soothing but can't get it from other ways. I bought a little stuffed bird from my real life safe place a while ago and my stuffed bird goes to all my sessions with me. I had a really rough time at my last session and cuddling it comforted me so much.

***** I'm going to try to make a safe place for myself at home in my bedroom.

> - I have colouring books, but don't tend to use them much.

***** Yeah, I color sometimes, too.

> - I have learnt that it is vitally important to express what I am feeling. So I journal a lot. I found this really hard in the past when I was really upset. I avoided digging in to my upset. But it really does help me more if I do. Although I still have to work hard at this, I really do push myself to do it. Because I know it is much better for me.

****** Yeah, I email my T a lot which is like journaling for me. I find that writing really helps sometimes. Sometimes not so much.

> - I bought some paints after doing a little bit of art therapy. So I try to express feelings through painting (although I still find this hard). I also have other mediums like pastels and pencils and things.

***** Yeah, I really want to get some paint and clay and fun stuff like that. I asked for it for Christmas, so we'll see what Santa brings...

> - I bought some little plastic animals to use in a form of play therapy by myself. But for personal reasons I find them very triggering. I have done sandplay therapy once and it was very very powerful for me. So I can see that this will be a very important way to express myself.

**** Yeah, that may not work so well for me as I'm not too good at playing. But maybe it would.

> - I have dissociative problems, so I've worked very very hard at not locking things up inside and to stay present and not cut off. This sort of thing is vital in order to comfort yourself.

***** Yeah, it's really important for me to stay connected, but at the same time not get so connected that I lose touch with the adult part and feel really overwhelmed like when I was little.

> - I think a big thing with comforting yourself is accepting your upset. So if you're upset about wanting your T to be your dad or missing him or whatever, you need to really listen to yourself, let yourself express that and accept that that is how you feel. By saying it is bad, you are not accepting it.

**** I hadn't thought of it that way. I should try that. I'll work on trying to catch when I'm saying it's bad and try to work on thinking differently.

> We know that he can never be more than a T to you and it would be bad if he ever tried to do that. But it's not bad to wish for that. It's not bad to have those feelings. It's just very sad to wish for something that can never be. I am struggling with this a lot myself.
>
> I have found that it really does help to express these feelings. Even if you're expressing the same thing over and over. You can still do it in different ways. I have started to try writing it out in poetry which helps a different part than say the one that paints or the one that draws.
>
> You will get through this sunnydays. Keep working at it.

***** Thank you so so much, littleone. Your post was wonderful. I'm sorry you're struggling too. Post if you can, I'll be here for you and maybe some of your experiences could help me.

sunnydays


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poster:sunnydays thread:713762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/714639.html