Posted by muffled on December 8, 2006, at 13:48:45
In reply to So sad about T... what's wrong with me?, posted by LittleGirlLost on December 8, 2006, at 13:34:27
And it's weird, but it's not just the "bad" stuff that hurts me, but the good stuff too! In fact, I left my T last week, much more sad than usual -- and what did I have to be sad about? She was kind and sweet and gentle as always, in fact, moreso! I think about her and want to cry. I write about her and want to cry. I just want to cry, but all of my tears are still hidden.
** I dunno how to cry either.
I think I not allowed to.
Or something. I dunno.
I think mebbe you mourn that which you did not receive as a child. When you are not cared for, not even having your most basic needs of feeling safe, loved, accepted etc met. It majorly f*cks with your head. All sorts of stuff gets shut down. Never even develops.
Its like I just wrote the other day, how I just cannot understand why my T treats me like a regular decent person, even when she knows stuff bout me?????
I wish I could cry.
I wonder what it feels like?
> I think I will have to go into hiding again for a while. I'm hurting too much. Oh, and not to worry, nothing's wrong, she's great, I love her. Sometimes I wonder if that's that problem. Why is it so scary to like someone?
**Its scarey to like someone cuz them they got the power to hurt you. Trusting is hard. You may want so much from her, but afraid she will run away....
there's so many things.
Stick with it little one.
Have a good christmas.
> I wish you all a happy holiday season, filled with peace and love.