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Unconditional acceptance

Posted by annierose on November 7, 2006, at 20:06:44

That's what I have been missing from my therapy lately.

I was so angry at her today. I have been suffering through a tough summer with marital woes, and all she wanted to say or do was problem solve. "Maybe if you said this," or "Maybe you should tell him that," or "Maybe if you did this," and all I wanted her to say was, "You sound so unhappy in your marriage right now. I hear how lonely and sad you are ... blah blah blah" You could fill in the blanks.

My husband and I have reached a truce of sorts. We aren't dealing with the marriage right now until after Christmas, our jobs have us both stretched too thin and we need to be civil around the children in the meantime. It's been easier living under our "new rules".

I went to therapy today (after just cutting back to 2x a week) feeling so stressed and anxious over my job. We are moving to a new location this weekend, and it is A LOT OF WORK! Dealing with the city and their regulations has also put me over the edge. To quote Daisy, "I'm getting in touch with my inner b*tch".

Again, all my T wanted to do was problem solve. "If only you could do this" etc. etc. I wanted to scream.

What happened to unconditional acceptance? Why couldn't she just say, "You are having such a hard time lately. I want to help." or "I wish I could make it all better for you; I can listen, you can lean on me, I'm here to help." INSTEAD she got mad (IMO), "So, you want to shut down and be mean to everyone around you." What the h*ll was that? I replied, "I'm not mean to everyone ..."

I left and without a conscious intent, I slammed the door behind me. I called and apologized for the door slamming and said, "I'm sorry I slammed the door. That wasn't my intention. Therapy has not felt very supportive lately. Although I would like to cancel my appointment this Friday, I think it's in my interest to come and see if we can work this through."

If we can't, it's just one more loss I'll have to deal with. In some ways, it already feels like I have lost her. She just wasn't nice today.

Thanks Dinah for writing your list on the post above. It prompted my thread. I want unconditional acceptance right now. Is that too much to ask?




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