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body and head stuff » Lindenblüte

Posted by ElaineM on November 6, 2006, at 20:34:02

In reply to Re: body and head stuff » sunnydays, posted by Lindenblüte on November 6, 2006, at 9:00:55

((Li)), I'm trying to eat and drink. I'm so thirsty, I would love to drink a can of pop (I've been craving one for months), but even water. I can tolerate half a cup though, but usually that's not enough to not be perpetually thirsty. The eating is the worst. I've never allowed myself to get this hungry in about 14months. I can't do anything about it, but it's really quite upsetting.
I don't believe that my words push people away because they come from me - but more that the content will always repell others (70% the T stuff and 30% the AN credibility-taint). I don't think the woman-girl I spoke with found me distasteful - if she did, she hid it well cause she was nice.
I think this type and duration of pain makes my head clear(or straighten out in a way). It's very hard to drift - it's always anchoring me in the moment. That's scarey to me. No breaks :-( Plus when my head isn't fuzzed out that's when depression (or whatever) can combine with resolve, that's when I can find momentum. Sometimes that's good, cause it's been in intense pain moments that I've phoned! multiple doctors to test out, shown up to clinics, went back to Disclosure-Doc though I wasn't "supposed" to. But those bursts tend to be like a calm before the storm. A last attempt. A grasping a straws. When I ran out of steam from one of those bursts in Feb, that's when I got suicidal. I'm fine right now, at least for today - I think my body's taking care of any harm I'm put myself in. *sigh*
Something pretty?........Actually for some stupid reason I noticed the sunset yesterday. I thought it looked like molten lava. Neon orange...I don't know if I thought it was pretty or just odd. I never usually notice things like that....Does that count? <:)
blove, EL




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