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Re: Another cr*ppy session Jost

Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2006, at 0:59:59

In reply to Re: Another cr*ppy session, posted by Jost on November 3, 2006, at 22:30:03

I think I know what's wrong. It's lack of connection. I guess he's busy and distracted, and it doesn't feel like he puts his entire self into the relationship.

But I've been depressed, and it's entirely possible that it's me who isn't connecting.

At any rate, he's usually pretty good at owning up when he's not fully present and trying to fix it, and he's been telling me lately that it's on my end.

He's fidgeting a lot, and that sends the message to me that he's bored and impatient. But he might be bored and impatient because he feels my lack of connection.

I can't really put my finger on it. There doesn't seem to be any withholding on his part. He still seems as relaxed and informal with me as he has for the last year or so. Sometimes it's sort of amusing how relaxed and informal he is with me.

And he's been very generous and open at sharing his proposed plans for moving office space to a joint practice with the pdoc from h*ll, and why he's doing it, etc. He knows I have reason to feel uncomfortable with being in contact with said pdoc, and keeps reassuring me he's changed. Unfortunately, the location will be going from bad to worse. But if I travelled to see him three hours away, I guess I can manage this. Can't the darn man locate in one of the many areas where parking is ample and free? He's going from expensive parking garage parking to on the street parking that's nerve wracking and hard to find. I'll start stocking up on quarters. He reassured me that if I don't want to see him there, he's also looking into timesharing arrangements, such as at his wife's office where they have extra space available. If he thinks his wife's office is a step up from the pdoc from h*ll, I think he underestimates my aversion to the collision of outside and inside therapy worlds.

I don't think it's the move that's the problem, because I just found out the specifics today, while the disconnect has been an ongoing concern for months.

I think I ask too much. I need for him to be available and consistent in a way that might be unreasonable. And perhaps the reason that he used to be that way had nothing to do with him, but rather had to do with the distorted (in a positive direction) view I had of him.




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