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Nature vs. nurture

Posted by Dinah on October 29, 2006, at 10:28:48

I have made not being like my mother the cornerstone of my mothering technique. And I've succeeded pretty well. I rarely if ever get angry even around my son, and never at him. I don't emote all over him. My husband and I get along fine and don't fight. I try to be reasonable and not overly rigid.

Yet my son is *just* like me in temperament.

It reminds me of my puppies. I might raise them differently than their parents were raised. But in the end, while there might be differences in how their temperaments are expressed, their temperaments come from their parents or grandparents.

It makes me think that some of my problems may come from my upbringing, but a majority of them are in my genes. They can be managed. I can learn to express my temperament differently (and I think I am learning that all the time). But the core problems are just who I am. My brain chemistry, my temperament, how I'm wired.

I think... I think I can base my respect or liking for my mother on what she's earned. But I don't think I can blame her for my temperament.

And when are they going to put "nervous system like an overly inbred puppy mill dog" in the DSM?

You know what I need to do. I need to think about how wonderful my son is, and how much I value his sensitivity, and maybe start to see the same things I love in him, in myself.




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