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Re: Now T emailed with his address. tears » kerria

Posted by muffled on October 22, 2006, at 22:47:05

In reply to Re: Now T emailed with his address. tears » muffled, posted by kerria on October 22, 2006, at 9:51:39

> Thank you so much Muffled for understanding and it helps so much that you hear and care. Thank you.

***I do care. To a certain extent I understand. I try to understand how confusing it must be. Some of the stuff you write I totally understand having experienced it myself.
> i don't know my parts well- there's not a way to communicate - T is the one who talks to us and we listen to what parts say. the less i see T the worst mess we are sometimes. When things are upset it gets even harder to communicate. i don't even know my parts-

**This part seems to be different than the part that posted above to Dinah. This part seems quite coherant and good at communicating. Do your parts have some sort of names or labels, so as to differentiate as to who is present or even causing background fuss at any given time?
> The pain i'm having now is so triggering now- we ran out of some of the meds i take and parts inside feel that we've just been p'a' and s'a' today. That a. is going on now.

***Yeah, I can see as how that would get everybody in an uproar...

> i can't communicate with them and times have occurred that we've been suddenly so upset because of the pain of a.

***Its hard when it allasudden seems to come out of nowhere isn't it? And then it just gets more and more 'noisy' in my head. I can't think. I dunno who is upset or why. So often upsets are even over the silliest seeming things. Other times, well, its not so silly ....
> It's a nerve probleem- not abuse. i try to remember but when we switch we're hysterically sad and there's nothing i can do.

***Oh God, I DO understand that, hysterical... I'm so sorry. For me, when that happens in my own small way, every thing gets so noisy, noone listens, it feels like everyone is running around like chickens with their heads chopped off, crashing into each other, mayhem, and I've got one that will just start screaming and screaming and I can scarcely stand it...But I do. I do stand it, and I survive, like I always do. I move on. The emtional intensity passes. Sometimes we can sort out what happened, sometimes not. But things seem to calm down for awhile anyways. I just write this, so you can have hope. Cuz there is reason for hope.
> we're not doing well now- we need T to be supportive. h is away now- that's so hard. i have to talk to a surgeon soon- how can i do that when parts are so upset inside?

***Did your H. take the car or do you have it?
So at least one, maybe two, parts know there are other parts....
Mebbe the part that wrote this...could talk to the part that wrote to Dinah? Most all the time, when I talk to my inside people, they do not answer me. I just know later on that they have heard me, cuz of how they behave over something, or what they 'say', etc, and then I realize that they DID hear what I said. So mebbe you could try talking to other parts, even if you don't think they can hear, cuz mebbe they can? Or mebbe even one can. And thats a start....
> T knows and doesn''t care thaat we're upset- or why wouldn't he call back unless he didn't want me. i feel so rejected- not even me- my parts that i can't communicate with feel so rejected by T and so hurt- and that no one will be with them and why do they have to have all this pain - they don't understand the surgery, it feels like a punishment. i know better but switching comes and what's there is a mess.

***See, thats the part I mostly don't do. I don't completely switch. I am thankful for that.
I just wonder if there may be some communication going on, but that you haven't realized it yet?
> i'm too afraid of falling apart:(

***Your parts saved you from a horrific time. Some of them took the burden of SO much. They made it possible for you to go on at that time.
For all that they spaz etc, I think their ultimate goal is to protect Kerria, one way or another.
I don't think you will fall apart.
Cuz thats a wonder of having parts.
If things get too hard to tolerate for one part, then another part will take over.
Whatever happens, happens.
Just keep taking care as best you can.
Honor the parts that have taken on such a burden for the rest of you.
Honor the parts that(mebbe sometimes overzealously) protect you.
Honor the older parts that try so hard to function well in this world.
Honor the scared ones.
You can do this.
It may be so hard.
But you will be ok in the end.
It will be ok.




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