Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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I'm losing it, I think

Posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42

I need ideas about how to get grounded. I've opened up this whole mess of memories - the angry 9-year-old is talking. I'm hugely dissociated and having a hard time focusing on really important things -- like driving. Last weekend I ran a red light. The Friday before I almost put my car in the ditch. When I was away on a work thingy, I sliced open my thumb with a knife and fell on my face going up a set of stairs. Tonight I set the house on fire. Near as I can figure, I dropped a match, still lit, into the bathroom trash can after lighting a candle. The smoke alarm went off and I smothered it out with a towel. Not a huge deal - but I've NEVER done that before. Or anything like it. I mean, I'm clumsy, but this is ridiculous.

My therapist is anxious and tells me I have to be more careful. ('cause, you know, I didn't think of that!) He keeps wondering if it is somehow intentional - flirting with serious injury or death. But I don't think so. I'm just super spaced out. Last night I was so confused that I went to group and sat in the hall for a half-hour, thinking it wasn't time for it to start yet. Actually it started before I got there. Someone found me when they went to the bathroom and invited me in. I wanted to run away and hide under my bed, I was so embarrassed.

I have class all weekend - which means driving an hour back and forth for three days on windy backroads. My therapist told me to stay home, but I really can't. He then suggested I call my pdoc, even though I haven't changed my medication since July, so nothing is new there. I don't want to hurt anyone else though - so how do I stay present? To make matters worse, I have another business (driving back and forth) trip next week, so I miss therapy in the middle of the week again. I haven't had a full week of therapy in probably a month.

Things sound messed up, don't they? I feel so stupid.




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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Daisym thread:696225