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Re: boundaries? **trigger** » alexandra_k

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 14, 2006, at 22:07:53

In reply to Re: boundaries? » pseudoname, posted by alexandra_k on October 14, 2006, at 20:42:52

Hey Alex,
I'm glad that you were able to listen to that concern inside that was saying "hey-- something's not right". That's very good.

Today you sound stronger. You regret that you chose that particular person to confide in. You took a risk, and it didn't work out. He could have chosen any number of ways to betray your trust. He happened to choose a particularly inappropriate one, but at least you were firm and got yourself out of that situation.

I think there are two separate things here-

1. you took a risk and put yourself out there, and were not respected or supported. That really hurts. I'm sorry that that man was not ready to support you. Possibly you chose poorly, but at any rate, you did something that most people see as a positive step- reaching out for support IRL. It's terrible that it backfired. I'm sorry it hurts so bad.

2. you feel like you "invited" this man to take advantage of you. That makes you feel dirty. This shame is completely irrational. As I understand it, the man has a lot more to be ashamed of than you do. Furthermore, since you were able to communicate NO, and remove yourself from the situation, you should work on shifting these feelings of shame towards feeling ANGER that this man tried to take advantage of you. And you deserve a lot of credit too. You did the right thing, and you avoided many more egregious levels of victimization. You are stronger than you realize, Alex. I'm really impressed by you, because I know a lot of young women who would have ignored their inner feelings of "uh oh" and would have failed to get out of the situation before becoming physically violated. Your trust was indeed violated-- which is terrible and horrible, but I am so grateful for your boundaries.

As far as I see it, you didn't do anything very regretable. The man behaved much more inappropriately than you did. HE should feel shame. HE should feel guilt. HE should feel sad at ruining what could have been a positive friendship with you.

drank 3 pots of tea today.
Earl Grey
Cinnamon Apple Herbal Tea

was thinking of you :)




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