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Re: boundaries? *trigger* (mild)

Posted by Racer on October 14, 2006, at 12:19:27

In reply to Re: boundaries? » alexandra_k, posted by pseudoname on October 14, 2006, at 11:52:13

> > if you upset someone then you get to comfort them :-(
> Do you really deal with people who are THAT cynical and manipulative? People who would deliberately upset someone just to get to comfort them?! That's too bad. Outside of some pathological romantic relationships, I have trouble picturing how it would happen.

The man who abused me as a child was like that. He'd do that to my mother, and to me as well.

But that wasn't because my mother did soemthing wrong to bring it on. It was because he was a vile, cruel, and sadistic man; it was his pathology that caused what happened.

My mother's loneliness and other vulnerabilities are the reason she accepted the little things, which then grew into big things. Mother didn't do anything to stop him, either, when he turned it onto me. She's not blameless, but she was also his victim. And he was the perpetrator. Period.

Alex, if someone is abusing you in this way now, it is not your "shameful" vulnerability -- it is his/her sadistic pathology. Protect yourself by avoiding this contact -- not someone who can be fixed...

I don't know what's going on for you, Alex, but I hope things get better soonest.




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