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Re: What's Dissociation? » Daisym

Posted by muffled on October 14, 2006, at 0:35:01

In reply to Re: What's Dissociation?, posted by Daisym on October 13, 2006, at 22:56:20

Wow, thats alot of info Li!!!!!
To me dissociation is a blessing AND a curse. Being able to dissociate enabled the oversensitive me to survive.
Its a curse, because I have so few memories.....but i guess thats perhaps a bit of a blessing too. I don't think I was the happiest child.
Its a curse when I dissociate when I don't want to.(when I first started T, I used to remember almost NOTHING of the sessions, felt like such a waste of time....)
Its a curse when your behaving in a way thats not appropriate to the situ., and realize it allasudden, and try to stop and gain control, but end up feeling so stupid and dumb.
Its a blessing, cuz its one of the reasons I am alive today.
I dissociate ALOT less now. ALOT less. Its great to not have it happening unexpectedly. I remember most of my T sessions now. Maybe thats why I am getting ahead more.
I think EVERYBODY dissociates. Its just a matter of degree I suppose, and how much it interferes with their life.
Dissociation was useful for me one session, I was somehow able to leave, but part of me stayed to answer questions. I didn't total blank.
I can tell when I going...everything looks different, sound is more muffled, I don't feel my body, as it progresses I can no longer hear my T talking, I can see her lips move, but there's no sound. Then I start comming back, and I can hear her tone of voice, but the words are nonsense, then gradually I seem to come back, but not all the way. That seems to take alot longer to come completely back.
I often say that I have gone into my 'sphere'. When I am in my sphere it feels like I am looking out from inside a glass bubble. I don't have much emotions. Everything is a little flat and muted.Visually it even looks as if I am looking thru glass. But its safe there I guess? I can be in my sphere for months at a time.
Sometimes when I S. injure I do it in order to feel SOMETHING.
So I am of the opinion that each persons dissociation is their own personal experience.
I am not DID, but I am BPD, and that dx is considered by many to be a dissociative type disorder. I do have my 'people' inside. And they are who they are. And sometimes one of them might get a little carried away and I'll wish they hadn't. But some part of 'me' is almost always present. I fortunately don't 'come to', and find myself in strange places. I don't take on a complete alter personality. My people frequently fight, but less so now, much less so now that I think about it.....
I don't mind my people. It made things easier to understand once I knew they were there, and that they were the source of noise in my head. LOL! The first time, when it dawned on me what was going on, its hilarious, cuz I couldn't figger out what was wrong with me allasudden. Then I finally figgered it out. My people were as shocked as I was I think! They all just shut up COMPLETELY, for awhile too! My head was quiet. It was VERY weird. But when they not around, I am only partly me.....just a shell of me. I need my people, even if they cause trouble sometimes....I hate it when they go away...they were away for awhile recently, but they back again now:-)
So, thats my long winded opinion of my dissociative experience. There's lots more to tell. But I goto stop SOMEwhere!!! ROFL !!!
Take care Li.
Remember dissoc. is NOT a bad thing necessarily.
Don't be scared.




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