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Re: Asked my T if she ever worked with anyone like » Phillipa

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 13, 2006, at 23:04:57

In reply to Re: Asked my T if she ever worked with anyone like me? » Lindenblüte, posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 22:41:19

Hmm. How to say this?

It's hard to give myself permission to express emotions with anything more than a very superficial description. I fake things a LOT. I've had to be an actress so that I could survive and not show pain, or fear, or even joy (show joy- and that could be taken away from me!)

My oldT showed me that as a human I DO have emotions, even though they are extremely well-hidden and my defense mechanisms extremely well-developed.

It took 5 months before I could show oldT some emotion. and even then it was VERY VERY restrained. I had to put my experiences in the context of "how I would feel if this had happened to another child" and then I was able to cry about it. As soon as I thought about telling my OWN story, however, the tears vanished. Gone. I don't allow myself any emotional connection to those abominations.

The thought of such is frightening to me. That's why I crack a joke. Sarcasm- it's one of the ways we can seem wiser about ourselves than we are. One of the ways we can refocus the conversation back to our interlocuter. (I had to look that word up just now to make sure I was using it correctly)

good night.

300mg of seroquel says..... ZZZzzzZZZZZZzzz

bless you Phillipa. I hope you have a lovely gracious Saturday morning. let me know if you see anything beautiful in your corner of the world, okay?





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