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Re: annierose, i 'took' you to therapy with me... bent

Posted by Daisym on October 13, 2006, at 17:59:34

In reply to annierose, i 'took' you to therapy with me..., posted by bent on October 13, 2006, at 12:29:31

I don't remember how long you've been working with your therapist, but it has been awhile, right? I think these things service periodically as we get deeper and deeper into our earlier issues.

And yes, I'm sure she wants you to ask directly, "do you care about me?" Why do all therapists have this!!? (I've decided there is a manual somewhere that has these phrases in it.) In my own therapy, we've been talking a lot over the past 6 months about how important it is that my therapist holds me in his mind when I'm not with him. This is a developmental concept that Winnicott and Bowlby talked a lot about - being "held" by a caretaker who is allowing your attachment. When this isn't happening, or you don't know it is happening, it does make you feel like just another client.

What might help is to think back to a time when she said, "I thought of you when..." or something like that. Or when she reminds you of what you said in a prior session -- she has held you in her mind. Since we started talking about this, my therapist is making a point to tell me when he thinks about me, or to bring it forward in some way.

And as to the "why now?" question...I often wonder if I go back to railing against the boundaries of the relationship when I'm avoiding something else. But my experience is actually that I need to reaffirm to myself that he is steady and does care, before I dive a little deeper. Inevitably after a few very hard sessions like the one you are describing, I let something else out.

I hope you can pick up the thread next time and talk more about this. My therapist says, "can we pretend it is the last 10 minutes of the session and talk about the hard thing now?" Sometimes that works! :)




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