Posted by muffled on September 28, 2006, at 13:47:27
In reply to I'm maybe not doing so well again ***SI trig******, posted by Lindenblüte on September 28, 2006, at 13:25:22
> Hi All,
> Well, I had to kind of shut down my feelings altogether to avert psychological crisis last weekend when I was inbetween T's.**what will happen if you have a big psychological crisis?
>
> Now I have a new T, and I like her just fine. I told her a lot of stuff, and I guess my ex-T filled her in too, because she knew a lot of the right questions to ask.***thats nice
>
> Well, I didn't quite turn on my feelings with her. I only allowed myself to cry once, very briefly, and otherwise, I had my happy-go-lucky face on.***well I'da been the same way. Goto sorta feel her out a bit.
>
> On the way back to work, I had some little episodes of triggers and these aversive exaggerated startle responses, but then I kind of ignored that after a while, and distracted myself from my feelings by playing on psychobabble all night long.***Yeah, I do that too. Sometimes I even actually grunt with the effort to make the thots go away.
My T tells me emotions pass. I am getting better at realizing that. The problem is they keep comming back....>
> Well, I also did something else to distract myself. I had the longest ever SI binge of my life. It lasted almost 3 hours.***yep. That a long time.
>
> *********Self-Injury triggers below**************
>
> I didn't do a lot of damage, which is good, but I attacked every single cuticle with scissors and a nail file and clippers. now they are all red and sore and scabby. I attacked both of the sores on my ears, that haven't really healed since June, because I keep on picking the scabs. I have place on my face where there has been a crusty or a scab for at least 2 weeks, because I won't ever let it heal. I should wear a band-aid, but instead, I cover it with concealer in public and pickypicky in private. The worst is that I *knew* exactly what I was doing and why, and I felt so disgusting, but I couldn't help but run around the house and find a pin to poke at my pores with, or the tweezers to grab some little particle of hangnail. And the knowledge that I have to spend an extra 15 minutes on my makeup today, because my face is full of ouchy blotchys from my rampage.***why do you SI? Is it a numbing thing? Or a get real thing? Or a punish thing? There's so many reasons.
Do you have anyone you can turn to irl, that you can say, I am really struggling right now, can you just be with me?
I often distract myself w/Babble then I fall asleep. That helps. Thing of the matter is I guess, is that you need better ways to cope with the chaos that is within you, and that you are trying so hard to deny, cuz it scares you.
So mebbe you could ask your T bout that.
Sometimes I can get lost in a real good book.
Or go somewhere I like to be.
Or bake cookies for the homeless.
Anything to distrcact.
>
> I just want another way to make the worries in my head calm down, but once I get started on this stuff, I can't hardly help it. I have two big triggers. 1) the bathroom vanity- bright lights and big clogged pores. 2) the couch. TV is interesting, but my nails are even bette entertainment.***Are they specific worries, or just general craziness?
Have you tried thot stopping.
When you looking in the mirror, say STOP, good and loud, and remove yourself from the room. Go phone someone or babble. Journaling can be good too.
>
> I just want to tune out. go away for a while. Why does it always come back to haunt me the next morning?***sometimes visualization works for me. We goto a safe place in our heads. Somewhere that is nice for you to think of and is safe.
Thing of the matter is, your visiting some painful memeories that are bringing up a host of emotions.
But emotions are just signals that there is something you need to deal with. And your T will help you sort stuff out.
Your the same person you were last year. Kind and caring and funny. But like most of us you got hurts. You got real bad hurts. But they won't destroy you. They in the end, will make you stronger.
Don't have to hide all the time Li.
We like ALL of you.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:689465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/689954.html