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A really very bad match...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2006, at 1:51:53

In reply to Re: a good match... » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2006, at 1:38:14

I found the courage to say:
'What are we doing in therapy
I mean... What is the point?'

'That is a really good question
What do you think we are doing?'

<cringe. how to be diplomatic>

Patterns... There are patterns
And I keep playing them out
over and over and over and over

<cringe. how can she be diplomatic?>

Refocus on how the problem manifests in the present
Throw in the word 'projection'
I'm afraid to go out because I don't have a secure base

Okay.

Then a half hour lecture to fill in the rest of the time

<cringe. this isn't working. how to be diplomatic?>

I can't say what I need to say because I don't trust that she can contain it. I can't say what I need to say because I don't trust that she can see her way through and over it.
I can't say what I need to say because I don't trust that she can distinguish my sensitivities from my sh*t.
I can't say what I need to say because... She doesn't understand.
I don't mean that she doesn't understand because she hasn't been there.
I mean that she doesn't understand because... Because she needs to talk and she needs me to listen. And I don't need a lecture on the way things are. I don't need her to teach me anything. I just need her to shut the hell up. I just need her to go away. She isn't helping. She isn't helping.

I can't attach to her and she isn't helping. And there it is.

And she is oblivious because she doesn't understand about attachment.

About how my heart is cold.

I need to tell her next week that I don't think things are working out.

How to tell her diplomatically in a way she will understand?

I don't think things are working because...

I don't feel attached to you?
I don't trust you can hold my feelings?
I don't trust you can be solid?
I don't trust that you can distinguish sh*t from sensitivities?

I can't say any of this... She won't understand. She won't understand. That is the problem.

What can I say?

I would like to work with someone else.

Why?

What can I say?

I need to be diplomatic because... It will largely be up to her reccomendation and whether anyone takes me will largely be up to her reccomendation.

I could ring and ask to talk to the lady in charge. I've met her. She is nice. No sh*t. She is okay. I think I could work with her. Once we have worked through the typical 'I don't do that' nonsense. But if I'm seen to have gone over her head then I could be labelled a 'troublemaker'. You know... Getting staff to split and stuff.

Sh*t.

What am I going to do?

Make an appoitment to see her and try and explain...

What?

Any ideas?

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:686478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688605.html