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I may have mislead you Emily Elizabeth

Posted by ElaineM on July 26, 2006, at 16:03:49

In reply to Re: bizarre meeting(s), posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 25, 2006, at 21:53:32

Emily: Thanks for your advice. I don't think I know you, so it's nice to meet someone new. I know this might sound stubborn but, I don't think he's abusive. I think he's wounded. He needs someone as much as I do. If I feel trapped into performing, then it's my own fault for being too pliable and spineless.

I tried once to speak to another ladyT but it didn't turn out well. It is too hard. I am too desperate.

I hope I haven't mislead you, but he's never sexually harassed me. I haven't yet slept with him, or even kissed him. We just touch now. And not unclothed or anything like that.

It's nice that you think I deserve better, but this is all I'm being offered now, and probably ever will be, so I just don't think I'm strong enough to give it up, hoping of something closer to ideal.

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if that other woman kept me. But I also worry that I would've been sitting in agony with a stone-T, having my tears bounce off her uneffected. At least my T validates my medical condition. And sometimes it helps a little to know that my suffering has not gone unnoticed. That I endured so long. Took as little drugs as possible. I'm worried I'd be stuck with a T who was no more involved and animated than a big fat psychology textbook.

I don't know. I'm sorry.




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