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Re: being manipulative versus honest wishingstar

Posted by Racer on July 11, 2006, at 22:48:27

In reply to Re: being manipulative versus honest Dinah, posted by wishingstar on July 10, 2006, at 18:32:51

> But maybe I'm being too needy? I dont know. I grew up in a family where emotional needs just didnt exist, so it's hard to know if I'm correct in feeling this way or just acting out some dysfunctional patterns.

I can answer the last part: yeah, you're acting out some dysfunctional patterns, just by virtue of thinking that there's any "correct" way to feel. If you feel it, then it's the correct way for you to feel at that time.

(I have a lot of trouble getting my head around that myself, so don't feel as though you're the only one who's dysfunctional on that topic. I think a lot of us heard that we were "wrong" to feel certain ways. But if you think about it now, can you see that the times someone close to you told you you were "too needy," they were probably too caught up in themselves and didn't want to break a sweat over your needs? I'm starting to see that in my own history. Finally.)

So, in terms of "too needy," here's the question I would ask you to think about: what, precisely, is the optimal level of neediness? AHA! I'll bet you said that there is none, that being needy at all is just a terrible thing, it's unfair to everyone around you, it's a sign of all sorts of bad things, etc, right? Guess what? We all have needs, emotional needs, physical needs, social needs, intellectual needs, etc. The question is, how effective are we at getting our needs met? The answer for many of us here is "not very..."

I think I'd advise you to discuss some of your feelings with T2 about whether this therapy situation is effective for you. It doesn't sound as though you're feeling as though your needs are being met -- and your need to feel heard is a real need, a legitimate need, and an appropriate need. If it's not happ'nin', well...

Best luck to you.


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