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Re: hey everyone

Posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57

In reply to Has anyone heard from Karolina?, posted by Jost on July 1, 2006, at 13:45:06

Thanks for asking about me jost. Iím sorry I havenít been on here lately, work has been crazy and Iíve still been arguing back and forth with my boyfriend a whole lot...just a lot on my mind. I am very relieved to say that my T did not try to refer me elsewhere, in fact he was very encouraging about my feelings and explained some long thing about how we are making real therapeutic progress, because Iím using the relationship to connect to my real relationships and stuff.

But there is one thing I am terribly confused over. I hesitate to write on here about it, maybe Iím being over-paranoid but I just have this sickening feeling he is reading all about this and then looking at me thinking Iím a total moron.
We talked about my feelings for him. he jokingly said that if he were to say to me that 'he wants me sexually and suggest we run away together', then weíd end up on a show like 20/20. he also still talks about how he thinks of me like a daughter. but I told him I do *not* think of him as a father at all, but I think I explained it kind of harshly, he almost acted hurt after that, like his whole mood changed and he acted kind of depressed, it kind of worried me but I didn't ask him about it. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings somehow.

But I donít understand why he wants a 20 year old daughter when he already has his own 20 year old sonÖAND a 17 year old daughter. It also doesnít make sense to me why he still gives me these ogling stares, asking me if I want to talk about my sexual fantasies and commenting on my Ďattractiveness', my body, and how Ďgreatí I look. Or maybe all of his comments are within context of our conversations, but I really have no idea what to think.

I left the appointment feeling light-headed. I had just put so much pressure on myself, preparing myself for how to react if he was going to make a referral. And every time he compliments me it just gives me this total rush.
Since he gives all those stares, occasionally glances at my breasts and legs, the comments/compliments, the rare, yet intense hugs we've had, the things we talk about (sometimes very sexual) I donít know if he is just using the Ďpaternal feelingsí as a cover-up and doesnít want me to know he feels sexual towards me or if he really does see me only in a daughterly way...or if itís some odd combination of both. itís very confusing to me. thanks you guys for checking on me, hope everyone is doing well and sorry I havenít been around lately





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poster:Karolina thread:663271