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Re: yesterday at the clinic **triggers** Ľ ElaineM

Posted by Tamar on June 30, 2006, at 20:31:10

In reply to Re: yesterday at the clinic **triggers** Ľ llrrrpp, posted by ElaineM on June 30, 2006, at 15:31:01

Hi Elaine,

Thanks so much for your reply to my thread. I have been trying to find the right words to say to you.

First of all, Iím so very sorry that your appointment with the woman T didnít go the way you hoped. Iíd hoped too that she would be able to help you. I can understand that there are policies about reporting unethical therapists, but that should never come at the cost of a clientís safety. I think the rules need to be written better, to enable you to find a place of safety before people start talking about reporting your therapist.

Iím so sorry that your hopes about your appointment with the woman therapist were dashed. Iím shocked and stunned that she couldnít find a way to accommodate your immediate need for safety. I think it is a dereliction of duty, no matter what the rules. If she couldnít help you there and then, she should have contacted someone who could, and set up an appointment as soon as possible. Reporting unethical therapists should never be more important than client safety. Unfortunately, some therapists donít really understand whatís at stake.

One other thing Iíd say is that youíre not responsible for your therapistís behaviour with other clients. It is not your responsibility to prevent him from misbehaving with other women. He is responsible for his actions. Sometimes people can feel a sense of relief at having reported an abuser AFTER the whole thing is over. It helps to know youíve gone through a difficult process that will prevent other people suffering. But when you are still caught up in the relationship you canít be expected to worry about other people. Your survival comes first. Whatever it takes.

What happened to your old (female) therapist? Are you still in touch with her? Could you go see her and tell her what is happening with your male therapist? Or are you afraid she wonít believe you? And have you managed to see your GP yet? If anyone can help, she ought to be able to.

I have heard that eating disorders can be very isolating. People donít always understand the depth of self-loathing many people with eating disorders struggle with. Iím sorry you feel so alone. Itís hard to find people who can accept us as we are, especially when weíre hurting. But I have found that this community is a place of tremendous acceptance, so I hope you will be able to get used to the idea that we care very much about you. I know Iíve been really enjoying getting to know you. Youíre so kind and caring and wise. Itís such a pleasure to have you here with us.

You are doing so well at handling all this. It really it an impossible situation, and youíre dealing with it incredibly well. I hope youíre giving yourself credit for that. Youíve had a lot of bad experiences and a lot of bad luck. You donít deserve any of it. You deserve only good things.

(((((Elaine))))) Iím so sorry things have been hard. Thanks so much for sharing it here. I know itís difficult.





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