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Re: This isn't fun any more Ľ ElaineM

Posted by Tamar on June 30, 2006, at 19:47:01

In reply to Re: This isn't fun any more Ľ Tamar, posted by ElaineM on June 30, 2006, at 16:41:35

Hi Elaine,

> It sometimes can reach panic-mode when I can't access people in my head - like they've disappeared, if I can't always see them infront of me. It's a pretty frantic feeling. You sound a bit like that.

Yes, thatís it! I do feel a bit frantic. I want to reach out and find him and heís not there.

> I've been allowed to take a picture of one of my T's before. Have you ever mentioned that to him? If not a picture, does he ever let you keep a memento or something? Or is that just something he's always evasive about. I think it makes alot of sense for you to feel that you need to hold onto his actual image. The best I can describe it is, when I couldn't, it was almost like meeting a stranger every session. I had to have faith in the consistency of the idea AND image of her, before the trust could come.

Gosh, I love the idea of having a picture of him. I think itís great that your former therapist let you take a picture. Youíre right: itís about consistency of both idea and image. And I need them both in order to feel the trust. I will ask him and see what he says.

> I don't know if that's exactly how you feel, but I think talking about a picture would be worth a shot. I just don't know how your T would react. I don't understand some of his respones. (though to be fair to you both, I only know of him from a few threads)

Ha ha! No, I donít understand some of his responses either. To be fair to him, he has made it clear that he is committed to doing therapy with me. I just wish I could get him to understand why I want the things I canít haveÖ

> I'm so sorry that you can't get any comfort from therapy right now, especially when you feel so scared.
> Thinking of you.
> With hugs, EL

(((((Elaine))))) Thanks so much. And Iím sorry I havenít replied to your thread yet. Thereís so much I want to say and yet I canít seem to find the right words of comfort and support. Iím very inarticulate when Iím depressed. But Iím thinking of you too, and desperately wishing I could do something to make things easier for you.





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