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Re: yesterday at the clinic **triggers**

Posted by caraher on June 29, 2006, at 21:43:56

In reply to yesterday at the clinic **triggers**, posted by ElaineM on June 29, 2006, at 20:20:07

Elaine, I hope your lovely name continues to grace this board until you are well. It hurts to see you call yourself a b**ch repeatedly because you're obviously anything but. Your no more whiny than someone entering a hospital emergency room with a fractured bone is "whiny" for seeking medical help! You're suffering real injuries and need genuine help, which you obviously are not receiving.

One thing I want to mention about your T saying "just for you to know, i wouldn't intervene." Later on you mention that when asked if you were thinking of harming yourself "that's something I know to always answer No to." I think your T is playing a similar game. His fear would be that you would withhold information if you felt he *would* intervene. By telling you that he wouldn't I'd guess he's flat-out lying in the belief that if you *were* to harm yourself you'd be more likely to tell him if you believed he wouldn't intervene. It may be as simple as you said, that he sought to ingratiate himself with you, but my bet is that he would never knowingly let you harm yourself if he could intervene. (I guess that would be a "trick response," but this is a messy situation - don't call yourself dense because it would confuse anyone!)

I'm sorry that your therapist has you so tied up in knots that when you spoke to the woman you continued to put protecting him ahead of your own health. Reading your posts all I can think of is the "Stockholm syndrome." You seem to be his emotional captive, and your vulnerability has led to you protect him from facing the professional consequences of his actions.

Elaine, you're smart and caring and whether or not you feel like you're done caring about yourself we're not. You seem like a marvelous person in an unfair situation, and I hope you can summon the strength to get out of it. I know it is hard. Just because you weren't able to do it this time doesn't mean you can't try again.

By the way, even if you truly aren't so concerned about yourself anymore, clearly you still care about others. After all, why else would you shield your T if you didn't care about him to some extent? But please think about other people - his other present and future clients. If he continues to "practice" in this way, and nobody blows the whistle on him, it's likely that other women will find themselves in your dilemma, too. I know it's asking a lot for you to report his behavior, and it may be asking too much. I won't judge you if you can't. But you should, at the very least, break things off with him, even if you don't take the next step and tell someone how he tied you in knots.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. Don't be ashamed of yourself. I wish I or one of your other well-wishers here could go with you in person to offer you support as you face this problem. Just don't give up!




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poster:caraher thread:662694